Wednesday, September 27, 2006

thanks

The meeting yesterday was all I expected. My kids could really feel the reverence for the flag, something they and I will never forget. I was really proud watching G help with the ceremony and be so respectful. Today G-11 has a court of honor; he is being awarded his aquaknot. This should be fun, with the older scouts.

Today I am really thankful for friends who see me struggling and help.

Monday, September 25, 2006

freedom

Today is Pack Meeting for scouting. This is my G-11’s last Pack Meeting, as he will be twelve in two days. He is helping the troop retire a flag. It will be a beautiful ceremony. They are going to talk of liberty and freedom and the flag, then play taps and do the flag burning, in respect. I think it will be a good experience for our family, especially looking toward Veterans Day in November. I try to teach them to be so courteous and respectful of the flag and America.

Friday, September 15, 2006

getting a B and a bomb at the library

Well, I didn’t fail, but I got a B, which is pretty much unacceptable for me.

I know that I need to work on my expectations of myself. Part of my responsibility for this is that I didn’t sleep at all last night. My brother, Jake, and I stayed up to 2:30 am watching movies and chatting. Then when I went to bed, Mr. B woke me up and said I need to talk. We talked till dawn.

I still thought that I could pull it off, with my test, but I missed all the easy questions and one was simply because I didn’t add correctly. I could not believe it. The professor told me not to worry about it, he even said I could still get an A out of the class, with four more tests (and you can retake two of them), but I was still disappointed because I have too high of expectations.

Jake told me not to worry about it because I will end up some day having professors who refuse to give A’s no matter how hard you try, and he said I should think of how worth it it was to talk to Mr. B because things are definitely getting better. He is right.

I also had an amazing time with him and have an idea for a magazine article from the seminar last night. I love writing.

The positive note today is that we happened to be down at the library during the bombing on the third floor. The kids were stunned, and Jake and I still have a hard time believing it happened, but we were all fine. We heard it and immediately Jake said, hey let’s get going. We didn’t know what had happened, so we just took the elevator to the top and walked down. By the time we did they had been evacuating the whole building. The kids were scared getting in to the elevator, and in hindsight, that wasn’t such a good call. S-7 sat on the floor and held his knees to his chest; I could tell he was near tears. I just grabbed his hand and told him all was well. It took us one hour to get around the block to go home once we got into the car. Crazy business, but the positive thing today, we are all well.

G-almost 12 had a soccer game. It was good to drive out there. The sunset was phenomenal. We stopped at the an old factory to take pictures. G's team won their game, he was so syked (is that a word,...really?).

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

ARGGGGGG

Mr. B is really frustrated with me and he has let me know it today. I am so worried because I can see that he is under a lot of stress at work. I have also been really difficult to him because of my stresses. I tried earlier today to get him to talk to me but he just said he is done.

Today was that way for me too. I didn’t do well on the practice test for math, and still don’t understand some of the simpler concepts. After school the kids had piano lessons, I feel like I am running a Taxi today. I haven’t had time to shower yet and feel like I am going to break. I have had neighbor moms call me to help shuttle their kids to Scouts tonight, my kids piano is going over.

The schedule today is crazy and completely unbelievable. 3:00 – pick kids up from school, 4:00 S-8’s piano lesson (my good friend sees the condition of my face – worry, stress, tired – and offers to bring up a quick dinner, I accept) 4:30 shuffle S home from Piano and get Cece-10 to her lesson, 5:15: pick up Cece (she is not done, working on her recital piece). I have to come back this way to take the neighbor boy to scouts in 15 minutes anyways. Drop him to Scouts 5:45 – Pick up Cece. See a neighbor walking home, give her a ride. Her son and my son have scouts in 20 minutes so I pick up her boy and come home to get G-12.

My neighbor is bringing my dinner over; she sees the chaos of the house in its entirety. I don’t think I have ever had such disarray going on. I know that the positive thing in this is that our lives are so full. And I should also recognize that while I was giving service to others I was also being served in return.

Sometimes we don’t feel the effects of our helping others so quickly. I am also in a lot of pain from this growth in my abdomen and need to get it looked at. My kidneys are hurting as well. I have never had to really deal with so much weird stuff going on and all the chaos on top of it...

Monday, September 11, 2006

9 - 11

September 11th… I think that today everyone will be thinking of being grateful.

I know that I began the day feeling just thankful for our safety in my little part of the world.

I am aware of so many circumstances close to us that are so devastating, and then you start to think of the circumstances of the world and the children of the world and it is another one of those overwhelming things for me. I picked my brother up at the airport, yes he flew in today, and we had a delightful time. Went to the school for J's after Kindergarten and had lunch and recess with the kids. We played kickball with the 6th graders and then I drove Jake down to stay with my older sister for a few days. She is pregnant with twins, 29 weeks along and bigger by far than I could ever imagine being while pregnant. I felt so much pain for her. I need to be working some things out to be helping her more for the next bit.

Friday, September 8, 2006

when it rains it pours

Wow, when it rains it pours. Mr. B’s work hours are killing him and me both. He did not make it off work and so...

G-12 had to do the whole evening routine with the kids. We never leave the kids alone so I was freaking out. Positive note, all is well.
The kids were great; they finished up their dinner, read books, brushed teeth, and cleaned up most of the house. If it didn’t worry me so much I would leave them more often. They were amazing, helpful, kind to each other and worked together. I was really proud of them and mostly thankful they were safe.

G had a soccer game tonight. They did okay, the team needs more work together and they will improve. This is his first year playing competition soccer and he loves it.

Wednesday, September 6, 2006

i only take half the days

Today J-6 had a hard time going off to school.
I woke him to get ready and he said to me,
“You signed me up for half days,
I only have to go half the days of school,
I don’t have to go today.”

I really laughed, now understanding
what he said to his teacher yesterday,
“No, No, I only take half days.”

Last year I was talking to him about taking full day kindergarten
and he said no way, now I get it.

If I had a choice I think I would take half the days too.


Today was busy. I had to do a room parent orientation after school from 3 – 4 pm. The kids have piano lessons from 4 – 5:30, then we have scouting after that to get to. It was such a busy day and then homework on top of that. I am not really getting my Math class at all, and can’t find time to study. I am getting really discouraged. And my 7 year old is crying when I drop him off to school, not wanting to go. Usually he is such a happy student. I am not sure what to do. Also, Mr. B is working late hours suddenly and it just feels overwhelming.

Tuesday, September 5, 2006

my last First Day of Kindergarten

First day of Kindergarten for my youngest son! I cried my eyes out (after I dropped him off, of course). He was crying and holding me so tight, like a little monkey. I couldn’t let go of him. It really was breaking my heart. Thank goodness for kissing hands (from a children’s story), and teachers who can take your child’s hand from yours when you can’t let go yourself.

Friday, September 1, 2006

today

Today I woke up feeling really ill….not normal sickness symptoms. I had a full day planned, class, PTA meeting, pick up kids from school, clean and pack, fly to Arizona with my oldest son. I ended up in a doctor’s appointment and found that I have a tumor growing. The positive thing I guess is that it wasn’t all the other scary things that I was worrying about and I can still go to Arizona for the weekend.

on marriage

'Will you, um, marry me?' I haven't seen you in weeks! You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! You're asking me to give up my - my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda?