Monday, November 28, 2011

The Next Survivor Series!

From an email...to funny to not share! Seriously creative --- and too true. ;)


Six married men will be dropped into a “city island”
with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.


Each kid will play two sports
and take either music or dance classes.
There is no fast food.


Each man must take care of his 3 kids;
keep his assigned house clean,
correct all homework,
complete science projects,
cook,
do laundry,
and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition,
each man will have to budget
enough money for groceries each week.


Each man must remember the birthdays
of all their friends and relatives,
and send cards out on time--no emailing.


Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment,
a dentist appointment
and a haircut appointment.


He must make one unscheduled
and inconvenient
visit per child to the Emergency Room.


He must also make cookies
or cupcakes for a school function.


Each man will be responsible
for decorating his own assigned house,
planting flowers outside,
and keeping it presentable at all times.


The men will only have access to television
when the kids are asleep
and all chores are done.


The men must shave their legs,
wear makeup daily,
adorn themselves with jewelry,

wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes,
keep fingernails polished,
and eyebrows groomed
.

During one of the six weeks,
the men will have to endure
severe abdominal cramps,
backaches,
headaches,

have extreme
unexplained mood swings
but never once complain
or slow down from other duties.


They must attend weekly school meetings and church,
and find time at least once to spend

the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids
each night and in the morning,

feed them, dress them,
brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:30 am.


A test will be given at the end of the six weeks
and each father will be required to know

all of the following information:
each child's birthday,
height,
weight,
shoe size,
clothes size,
doctor's name,

the child's weight at birth,
length,
time of birth,
and length of labor,
each child's favorite color,
middle name,
favorite snack,
favorite song,
favorite drink,
favorite toy,
biggest fear,
and what they want to be when they grow up.


The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if...

he still has enough energy to be intimate
with his spouse at a moment's notice.


If the last man does win,
he can play the game
over and over
and over again
for the next 18-25 years,


eventually earning the right to be called Mother!

on marriage

'Will you, um, marry me?' I haven't seen you in weeks! You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! You're asking me to give up my - my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda?