Things have been shaky at our house. Well, maybe not shaky....but I am really behind in school, the kids have been sick, missing about 3-5 days of school each, with the weekend involved....I was able to ward off becoming as sick as them, but not feeling too top of the world myself.
So, I missed Manic Monday, Terrific Tuesday, Wordless Wednesday...Tell me Thursday....and Funny Friday....is actuallyFRANTIC FRIDAY!!!!
I am frantically trying to catch up with my behind....
So, I transcribed this talk [a while back], it is AMAZING. I am not done with it so it will leave you hanging....
if you choose to read it...otherwise ....just say hello, that little commenty thingy at the bottom, and I promise I will make time to come say hello back.
Missing you, hoping your well.
I open my email, and you don't write, you don't call, you are just out trying to stay on top of your worlds....so, hey, if it is not a problem, say hello. Then I know you were here, and I can come by your place.
Enjoy:oh, and HAPPY FRIDAY....
When All Eternity Shook:
Finding Hope and Healing in the Saviors Sacrifice
S. Michael Wilcox
This is mainly for me. I have been listening to this on tape but have to return it to my Grandfather and so here I am listening to it and taking notes, via blogger, so that I can refer back to them.
Wilcox begins by talking about fears. We all have them, some of the things we are so afraid of are really things that the chance of that happening is so small. He tells statistics of the things that we are afraid of and having something happen to us.
The thing that he is most afraid of is Roller Coasters, never been on one. Dying at an 1 in 70 million, but he has still never ridden a roller coaster.
He then tells the major fear he has, and many members of churches feel this. The fear of failure. The fear of missing the Celestial Kingdom. The fear of missing by inches, not miles, not yards, but inches..
He said we tend to have B plus personalities. He always tried really hard to get A's. But taking tests and writing papers and getting B pluses. On papers, on tests. Teachers would say, great job. But it didn't make him feel any better.
He said he imagines himself standing with the Lord and hearing "Mike, great effort." B plus. His saying, but Lord, I wanted the A. And the Lord saying. I know, and you tried really hard, and I have a lovely kingdom for B plus people.
A quote by Michaelangelo:
"Despite thy promises oh lord twood seem too much to hope that even love like thine can overlook my hopeless wanders." [loosely quoted]
2 Nephi chapter 4...he wants to delight in the things of the Lord.
We all have that feeling. We want to be good because we rejoice in his goodness.
But then we have nagging tugging anxiety.
"Oh retched man that I am.
My heart sorroweth because of my flesh.
My soul greiveth.
My sins beset me.
My heart groaneth because of my sins.
Never the less, I know in whom I have trusted."
Sometimes we miss that last aspect. We forget to trust in that great goodness of Christ. If you have come to the knowledge of the goodness of God. The Atonement.
Salvation comes to him who puts his trust in the Lord. Come to the knowledge of his love for us. The goodness of God endureth continually.
Blessed are ye who continue in my goodness.
When someone is going through a trial or problem it is our tendency to say I understand. Sometimes when we say we understand we say it even when we have not been through the trial or the problem. But we say "I understand" because we think we know. We hear people respond to us at times, "Do you really." How could you. You haven't been through my trial. Sometimes we have been through the circumstances so we can really say, I understand, because we have been through that kind of trial. There are two kinds of understand. Sympathy and empathy.Which kind of I understand has the Savior?
His understand was defined and personalized. He understands in the second way. He understands because he went through the pains, the trials, the infirmities, afflictions, temptations, death. He also knew joy, and love, and peace, and laughter. He was righteous and he experienced the greatest, and he experienced the worst, for us, that he would truly understand what we experience.
The added dimension of His goodness came because he himself had been through them, to know all that we would go through. [He speaks of Alma and Pauls writings of the Savior taking on everything, that he might be merciful to us.] He could have understood it spiritually, but he chose to understand it physically, and mentally, and emotionally. He suffered, he was tempted.
He is able to succor those who are tempted because he does know. He knows our temptations, our infirmities.
To succor means to run to aid. That is our part. We have to choose to RUN to his AID.
We have to come boldly to the grace he offers. The throne of grace. That we may obtain mercy. How can we come to him?
Fan of CS Lewis ....to George McDonald. George McDonald, a minister in the protestant faith. He was preaching a God that was too good, too kind, and was fired by his congregation. Something that George McDonald said in his book Unspoken Sermons. In that little book he tells us how we can boldly come to his grace.
He talks of how an earthly father would love a child coming to him in such sadness. "daddy, I have been so naughty. and I want to get good" He says, the father is not going to say to the child, humbly coming to him in his pain, "Go away, how could you. Go and be good and then come to me." He says no, if a child comes to a father, he doesn't send him away, feeling bad for his mistakes.
He says of our God that he would love us, no matter our anger, our frustration. If we come to him.
He talks about doing his dissertation. He speaks of a friend who said to him in his tremendous anxiety: YOU WILL OBTAIN YOUR PHD. He says that a friend told him that he would not let him go into the defending of his dissertation until he was ready to do it, until he knew that he was going to pass.. That he would make sure and work with him until he was ready and knew that he would not fail. That when he went into that room that he would be ready, and he would not let him fail. He says, I will not stop helping you.
The Savior says, I understand the things that you are going through. And I will not stop working with you until I know that you are ready for me to present you to our Father. He will be pleased with you. Now, go and learn, and live and grow, and do it without fear and anxiety. I will help you. You will be ready.
He has been very interested in introductions. He talks about the introduction of our Savior. He talks about how we introduce ourselves to others is how we want them to see us.
The Savior introduced himself: I am the light and the life of the world. I have drunk out of the bitter cup which he has given me. I have suffered the will of the father in all things.
The Savior wants us to know that he has drunk from the bitter cup. Here is where his understanding came.
He talks about the bitter cup, visualize it. The cup of trembling. The Savior speaks of the cup in D and C 19. I God have sufffered these things that ye might not suffer. I have suffered and trembled and bleed at every pore.
When we drink something bitter the body shakes and trembles. He once gave his children a cup of viniger to drink, that they might understand tremble and shake.
The Savior speaks of the bitter cup as he prayed in Gesthemene. The bitter cup was so much that he asked the Father to take it from him. If it is possible.
We pray the same way. God, this is too much, please take it from me. But then do we say...thy will be done.
Thou canst do all things, we say. Please take away this trial.
What about: Father if thou be willing, but nevertheless thy will be done.
Sometimes we hope that God wants what we want. Like when a child goes to a parent and says, this is what I want. I want you to give it to me. But the parent knows better. The parent knows what is best for the child, what is best in the long run, the bigger picture.
When Christ said, "I thirst", the soldiers gave him viniger. I looked for some to take pity. But there was none who did. He then said, "Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit." And then he died.
Wilcox then talks of the sacrament. The water we drink. Each week. And at the sacrament table each week we are offered the symbols of the Savior through the sacrament.
The bread reminds us of the resurrection. The cup of water is to remind us of the spiritual death, which Christ overcame.
Once when Wilcox was feeling retched and he took the sacrament and he heard the spirit say to him, Always REmember Him. He tried to feel more grateful. He heard the spirit say, ALWAYS, he said I do, I feel grateful. Then he heard the spirit say to him, ALways Remember Him in Hope. He said that was a beautiful moment. We must remember Him in Hope. Each time that we take the sacrament we must remember that it is Hope that we are showing.
The sacrament is a testimony. It bears witness that Jesus is the Christ. Every Sunday is testimony Sunday. Every time that you take the sacrament you show that you believe that Jesus truly is the Savior, that he can heal us, that you have faith in the Atoning sacrafice, and healing that comes of Christ.
Enoch says it best in Moses [ch. 7]: There was not a soul that he decerned not. The spirit has the ability to comprehend that all the inhabitants of the earth are greater than the sands of the sea. Moses tries to understand Gods heart and mind. He asks God why he is weeping. Why does he weep over the suffering of a few people. He is answered that he weeps over us because we are his children. He weeps for our suffering. The suffering of GUILT. The suffering of the recipients of the sins of others. The Lord tells ENoch. That which I have chosen has fled before my face. The Savior will suffer for their sins until they return to me. Until they ask for forgiveness, and seek repentence.
The Lord spake unto Enoch and told him of all the doings of men and he saw the guilt and the weakness of men. And Enoch saw that all Eternity Shook. Eternity overflowed with love, compassion, forgivness.
To try to comprehend all the wickedness of the earth. All the doings of the children of men. Their suffering, their guilt, their temptations. And the Savior had much compassion and mercy.
Questions from women at Time out for Women. It was a crushing experience for me to hear their questions:
In a crowd of 1500 women there was a great deal of pain:
A husband who was given a blessing by priesthood holders that he would overcome his illness, and he died. Where is my faith? Was my faith lacking?
What can you do to build trust in a relationship where trust has been broken so many times before: Why does my husband keep secrets from me?
They say that the most valiant came and were chosen to come and live with good mormon families, why was I not valiant enough? Why was I chosen to live with a family of abuse and addiction? Does that mean I wasn't as good because I was born into an alchoholic family and was abused as a child?
Should there ever be secrets kept from your husband, things that you have repented of, things from the past, things you want to forget, that he doesn't know about?
How do you stand alone with a baby, with a husband who will not attend? Every Sunday is a fight, it is so hard.
My husband is excommunicated, what do I tell my kids when their dad can't take the sacrament on Sunday?
My husband and I are in a cycle that happens every year. I am tired of the cycle, the addictions, the pain, the blame. How do I know when he is truly ready to end the cycle? And not just saying to make it better for a time.
Is it more harmful to divorce him and raise the children as a single parent? I am ready to leave.
How do we as women help our husbands who are struggling with pornography without being a nag or a spy or making things worse for them, or ignoring the problems?
How do you give your child a good start to life when you are stuck in the despair of your?
I married young in the temple, had children, and am trying to live a righteous life? I struggle with whether I made the right decision with my marriage. Will the Lord forgive me? Can He make it right?
on and on the questions came: I found out after years  of marriage that my husband had many affairs. I am trying to make it right. How do I forgive him, can I, is it possible under these circumstances?
Those are just a few of the questions from those women. I have to believe that the Latter Day Saint people are as good as any of the people on earth. That small group of women and if you magnify that to what the Savior experienced.
That was such a crushing experience to hear their sorrow, their pain. That was such a small experience to what our Savior experienced as he knew ALL our pains, of all the world.
If I could have in that moment I would have solved all those womens pains. I didn't know how to solve them.
There is a song by Neil Diamond. I always visualize that it is about those moments after Christ died. The believers were leaving. It is called Dry Your Eyes.
Take your song out. It's a new born afternoon. If you can't recall the singer, can you recall the tune.
He taught us more about living. He came to know the secret.
It was more than It was less than being free.
And then he talks about a moment. This lyric hit right to the center of Christ.
Through the lightening and the thunder, the darkness, their was a distance falling stranger...
Darkness, distant falling angel.
The Savior said to Moses: I am the rock of heaven.
He tells us how big that rock is. As broad as eternity. He that shall climb up by me shall never fall.
The rock we can build our life on is the rock of compassion and mercy.
There are times in our lives that we see someone we love suffering. We know this with our loved ones. Our husbands, our children, our wives. At times we wish that we could suffer for them. We wish that we could take their pain upon us. We are not allowed to do that for them.
There was only once that it was allowed that our suffering was taken from us. In Gesthemene. It has already been done. From remove this cup from me to let me drink it for them.
We must have gratitude to our Father, for him allowing the Savior take our pains.
Gesthemene is the place of the deepest gratitude.
The Lord knew we would need constant encouragement.
When we are encompassed by temptation seek to understand these scriptures:
Matthew Chapter 18, the man who owed 10,000 talents. The man fell and said Lord, be patient and I will repay thee. The Lord of that servant was patient and the Lord forgave all.
Then in Luke 7. The debtor and creditor. We worship a God who can forgive us of ALL our sins.
Luke 17: When asked about forgiveness the Savior taught that when someone trespasses us that we must forgive them, and if they trespass them 7 times in a single day, we must forgive them 7 times in that single day, every single day. If he turns to you and says forgive me, even 7 times in a single day. FOrgive him.
We know that we can go to the Lord 7 times a day and ask forgiveness and he will forgive us.
I thank my God that he has taken away the guilt of my heart. We worship a God who forgives all our sins.
Hosea...is such a beautiful book. He was married to a woman who was not faithful. He talks about this woman who forgot her husband and was beautiful for her lovers. The Lord says what should we do. What should the husband do? The Lord says that he will go to the woman and he will in loving kindness and in mercy go to the woman, and he will betrowth her. Then the teaching goes to teach about the parent and the child. The father holds the arms of the child and teaches them to walk. That he guides the child and teaches the child.
I am God, I will love and teach and recieve my people.
Wilcox talks about Camelot and the betrayal of the husband and wife. He talks about how he forgives Guinevere and Lancelot for their betrayal, he says to them. I am not a man, I am a king. I can not destroy that which I love, and he continues to forgive them for their dishoner. As a king, he opens his arms wide and forgives again and again.
Though your sins be as scarlet, they will be white as snow.
There in the church are too many pink people. Who don't believe that the Lord can make their sins white. They say, maybe he can make us pink. Maybe close, but not all the way. We forget that he can make us WHITE. And pure. He forgives us.
Think of the parable of the Lost Sheep, the Lost Coin, The Prodigal Son.
Rejoice with me, I have found my sheep. He has joy more for one sinner which has repenteth. There is constant joy in the 90 and 9, but the one sinner which does repent and return to him he has the most joy.
The real you is you at your best.
There are people in the church who have not had the best past. These people just want to come home, they just want to be thy servant. They do not return from inactivity to be kings, but servants. In the prodigal son the man recieves his son as a son, and he is recieved as a son, not as a servant. He receives him because he was lost and is found. We worship a God who loves us so much. A god who loves and forgives us, always.
The Lord is patient, merciful.
So great is his mercy for us. He removes our transgressions before him. He knows us, he understands, his mercy is everlasting. He forgiveth all iniquitites, he heals all dieseses.
A personal experience that he shares, really my favorite part is as follows:
He talks about how he feels that he should share the gospel. He feels uncomforatable because he knows he should talk about the gospel. He flies a lot and he feels that he should share the gospel with those he sits next too. When he flies and no one sits next to him he is relieved. But then he feels guilty that he is relieved. So he is never comforatable when he flies. Once when he was flying no one sat next to him and he was feeling comforatable and relieved, then guilty for feeling that way. He had a moment of reflection, a pondering.
A pondering where he felt the Lord was teaching him. He felt that he was in the judgement seat, and that he was sitting with the Lord. He said he knew he was going to be judged, but it felt comforatable.
The Lord asked him the first question, "Mike, did you proclaim the gospel." I thought, oh he would start with that one. And I said, "Lord, I tried."
The Lord said, "Well, let's see." And there was a little screen between us and we watched my life. He began to show me all the efforts that I had made to proclaim the gospel. All the good things that I had done. Every great conversation. Then, the Lord turned to him and said, "Mike, did you proclaim the gospel."
I said, very sheepishly, "Yes." ANd then all my failures entered my mind and I said Lord, but you didn't show me my failures. THe Lord said, "Tell me your failures." I told him. I should have this and that. I could remember my failures all so well. He listened patiently and he said. "I don't remember that." I looked at him in amazement, I couldn't believe it.
Then he asked, "Mike, Did you redeem the dead?"
I said, "Lord, I tried."
He said, "Well, lets see."
He showed me all the things that I had done from filling out my first pedigree chart in cub scouts, to temple work.
Then he said, "Did you redeem the dead?"
I Said "Yes, but you didn't show me my failures. I should have researched better, I should have done more work, I should have tried harder."
He listened again very patiently. "I don't remember that."
Then he asked, "DId you perfect the saints?"
I said, "I tried"
He said, "Well, let's see."
THen he showed me every calling I ever had, everything I had done for my neighbors, my fellow men. Every home teaching assignment even when I had done it on the 30th of the month."
Then he asked again, "Did you perfect the saints?"
I said, "Yes, I tried, but again you didn't show me my failures."
The Lord said, "Tell me your failures."
I told him all my failures, all the times I could have tried harder, I could have called one more time, I could have home taught better, I should have been more diligent. I should have served better.
He said, "I don't remember that."
On and on the questions came.
Did you follow the brethren. Did you try to be a good husband, a good father.
"I tried, Lord."
"Well, Lets See."
He showed me all the positive things I had done.
But what about my failures.
"Tell me about your failures."
ANd the great relief in unburdening them.
ANd his final wonderful words, "I don't remember that."
"In that moment on that airplane, something of the great goodness of the Lord was revealed to me."
'Will you, um, marry me?' I haven't seen you in weeks! You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! You're asking me to give up my - my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda?
You don't need a weather man to know which way the wind blows. --bob dylan
Someone Reads Me
awarded by trying to stay calm
women doing more
I am avid reader, writer, mom and wife, sister and friend, and hopeful contributor to a better future for children and community. I am also a college student trying to finish an undergraduate in anthropology with emphasis on culture, and peace and conflict studies. I love writing, politics, psychology, sociology, law, humanities and education. I have many interests and wear many hats. I am typical and yet try to be extraordinary. I deal with depression and OCD; and I am healing from an abusive past, an advocate for no silence to a childs cry. I laugh more than I cry, and I write mine and my familly's antics to deal with daily drama. My dichodomy is having much good and gratitude to balance the trauma and theatrics; who I want to become is healthy conflict with who I am today. My family suffers from my mood swings; and in doing for others and loving my family I find my saving grace. I am a woman trying to do more.