Friday, March 19, 2010

order of BE YOURSELF to go, please!

I was sitting at a stoplight, minding my own business, finishing up a Snickers bar for breakfast, and on my way home from taking the kids to school this morning when suddenly the car next to me began to go. Of course all my instincts were to follow, LUNGE and move forward with the car next to me.
I was so busy in my Snickers Bar that I failed to look for myself.

After an abrupt stop partially into the intersection I looked behind me and to both my sides.
The car behind me had followed me....and
seeing my MISTAKE
he was snickering with the car next to him....

"look at THAT driver", I imagined him thinking.
Probably on the phone...painting her nails,
putting on mascara, eating a SNICKERS!!!!

I was sure that he was just picking me apart for my mistake.
In that moment the whole world could see me
in my underwear as far as I was concerned.

Thankful that it wasn't a worse scenario I decided to suck it up and just let him laugh....likely he wasn't thinking any of the things that I was thinking about myself.
I am so good at that.
...thinking the worst of myself,
and thinking that others
are thinking the worst of me well.

It is common for me to see what others are doing and think,
"okay, so that is what I SHOULD be doing, right?"

Then typically I remember that I have never done what I think others think I should be doing, and I really have generally cared less if others think I am right or I am wrong.
I live by the live and let live motto.
I know that 90% cases I would be absolutely miserable to force myself to be LIKE that person, or to have their LIFE.

I enjoy mine, I am satisfied with being ME,
and I make my decisions from the gut.
Generally and most often I am very content with the decisions I make,
they don't always turn out for the best,
but they are my decisions...
thus, happiness,
thus, peace,
thus, continue moving forward...

And that goes well for today's thought.
Today I had an epiphany.
Another epiphany,
a new realization....a very physical one.

Had I moved completely forward further into the intersection the outcome of my mistake in following the person next to me would have and could have been tragic. It was a BUSY BUSY intersection. People are scurrying to work and to school, and I would have been IN THEIR WAY.

The outcome would have been: Mother of four, seriously maimed this morning while eating a snickers bar. She chose to follow the person next to her and it wasn't her path, wasn't her right of way, and she is suffering devastating consequences, consequences that now effect those lovely children she had just delivered to school.

Had I followed the person next to me I would have had to turn RIGHT. That person was headed in a DIFFERENT direction then I needed to go. The right direction for them but NOT the RIGHT direction for ME. Their path did not lead to my home.

My Home Sweet Home.

Where I WANT to BE!

I am just thinking....but what I am thinking is this is bigger than just looking for yourself and choosing for yourself when you are driving.

This is looking for the right things in your life, not your neighbors, not your best friend, your sister, your brother, your mom/dad/grandpa...

This is choosing for yourself after seeing all the choices and knowing in your gut that what you are choosing is right for you.

Today, I want a

I don't want to lose my life
trying to live someone elses ways.

I want to have
good ideas
and direction,
and momentum,
and GUT instincts
that what I choose for myself is okay FOR ME!!!

I want my own satisfaction...
not someone else's!

I don't want to be in a four alarm disaster ...
i don't want to BE A

a consequence of thinking it was time to go
and right for me
because the person next to me did.

I want to be me.

Live and LET Live,
and cEleBrATe our differences.

If God wanted one personality he would have stopped with Adam. Obviously he had a better idea...and created EVE!
And the up to [me] and you!

Yes...being ME Satisfies!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

it's BOX ELDER BUG season!!!

J arrived home from school
before the rest of the children today.

a bit of mommy alone time on the agenda

The weather is perfect and so we
hung outside a bit...

kids are so amazing
they always notice the
LITTLE big THINGS in life!

Like the Crocus in bloom!
Happy early Spring Day!

[i would have to say this is MUCH more
exciting than MARCH MADNESS!]

..."and the Bumble Bees are back to make us some honey!"

i am hanging on to his youth,
so i don't lose mine!

TeLL mE ThuRsDAy about WoRdLEsS WeDnEsDaY

wordLESS wednesDAY!!!

At my sisters house for Sunday Family Dinner

Seriously Unfortunate Question

Mr. B: When did they start making
Pregnancy Tests?

and SILENCE! fell upon the room.

The End!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

wordLESS wednesDAY!!!

wAy-bAck whEnDsdAy - happy birthdy LUCKY Lucy!

See her Lucky Clover neckercheif ☺

We got our kitty
Lew Lew
about 7 ish...years ago.

I wanted another baby,
instead Mr. B got me a kitty!

We adopted her around St. Patrick's Day
and have since celebrated her
Birthday on St. Paddys Day!

She is a bit spoiled,

[will only drink fresh water
from the faucet...]

and purely sweet.

For her Birthday celebration
she gets a bowl of milk
with Temptation treats!


That's about as GOOD as it gets!

top 'o th' morning...Happy St. Patricks Day!!!

Silly Leprechaun...
leaving such a MESS!

kiss me...i'm irish!

Monday, March 15, 2010

There ARE trick questions!

there are trick questions
...including the ones your kids ask you after school.

J--almost 9: does soap have wine alcohol in it?

Me: no, it has rubbing alcohol ...sometimes

J: is it the same that you can get drunk from?

Me: no, it is not

J: is it poisonous?

Me: yes, and you should never drink rubbing alcohol

J: so you could die from it?

Me: I suppose.

J: Mom, remember when you use to put soap in our mouths.

Me: ummmmm...Jeremy, you know I wasn't trying to kill you.

J---ALMOST 9: sure Mom

[at least he doesn't know enough to turn me in to DCFS yet,
...or does he?]

If you can't say something nice...

[...and other lessons learned!]


DISCLAIMER: generally writer is not affected by DST*,...
[hence attitude]

*which truth causes reaction to be an
intensely bitter and harsher diatribe than
to be expected from thus writer.
please read at own risk.
i wrote it that way...

PS: I am officially IN TIME OUT for the day...I have gone to my room under direct orders from the head of the house: ME.
And I will stay there
until I can change my attitude
and filter my commentary.
This could take a while.

blessings everyone ♥



and other lessons learned.

This morning I am not sure I have a nice thought in my thunder. I CANNOT believe it is almost noon and I am sitting in my holiest pants...

Mr B to me about 4 hours ago:
You realize you have
holes in your jeans?

Of course I only answered him
with: 'the look'.

Yes, I have holes in my jeans, and I am rebelling against the morning hours by wearing them. If you want me up, take me as I am. I have business under the covers to attend to otherwise.

Sleep is still calling my name today.

Daylight Savings Time.
I am sure it was a grand idea, but if the farmers want to get up an hour earlier, or go to bed an hour later, or work longer...why can't they do that without involving a CLOCK!
[truth: i am so confused at this point
I don't know

When the sun is up, the sun is UP!
Does it really need to be anymore complicated than that?

[No farmers have been harmed here,
all farmers have been taking a bad rap for this
long enough,
they are tough skinned,
and I am certain they can handle it.

PS: I come from a long line of farmers
so I do feel I can speak for the breed.]

I suppose I could sound like a picky complicated ranting maniac today...but WOW. What a MOURNING!!!!
[PUN totally intended.]


A beloved hour.
An hour that had
so much potential
that I am certain nothing
in this world can fulfill it.

At first I went into this years DST with an attitude that needed some major adjustment.

Couldn't afford the adjustment,
so I am just left with the attitude.

I know that when you expect trouble, you beckon it.
I suppose that is why I am still stuck with the attitude.

It started out all in fun:

until they change the time back!!!

Sounds simple and harmless!!!

Like everything simple
and harmless


and in the form of my
further heightened
BAD attitude

My comments are caustic and poisonous and surely not G-rated!
I feel like I went to bed last night and woke up this morning violated....An hour was STOLEN from me during the night....was it last night...the night before...I am so tired I can't even figure that out for sure.

I have a solution for DST:

If we have to lose an hour
why can't it be on MONDAY
during the middle of the WORK DAY!!!!

This morning as I was mourning my loss, OUR loss....I cracked open a can of DP to my husbands comment...."BREAKFAST IS SERVED! "

after the pants comment
his head was about to be served

Served a dish of
get the kids up
and fed
and off to school
by yourself today!!!
I am going back to bed.

I suppose that I have gotten to my point:

"If you can't say something nice about the weather!"

So....How is the weather???

I said what I meant when I meant what I said. I am rebelling!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Movie Quote Monday

so much to ponder...

"Sometimes you have to go against
the do what is right."

Mary from Precious
[while accepting her Oscar, 2010]

Morgan Freeman in Invictus:
"We must exceed our own expectations."

and finally:

Sandra Bullock accepting her Oscar

following from about minute three]

"Everyone who showed me kindness
when it wasn't fashionable.

The moms that take care of
the babies and the children
no matter where they come from.

Some moms and parents never get thanks.

I have failed to thank one.

So ...If I could take this moment
to thank Helgabee...

Thank you for not letting me get into cars with boys until I was 18 because she was right I would have done what she said I was goona do...

For reminding her daughters that there is no race, no religion, no class system, no color, nothing, no sexual orientation that makes us better than anyone else.

We are all deserving of love,

for that trail blazer
that allowed me to have that
[points to husband Jesse]

...and this..."

Contemplate this:
If you wrote an acceptance speech,
who would you thank,
what would you say?
For in that moment,
all that is you
all that you are

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Happy Birthday Sam I Am!!!

Today is Dr. Seuss's birthday- he would have been 106.

A person's a person, no matter how small.
-Dr. Seuss

Be who you are and say what you feel,
because those who mind don't matter
and those who matter don't mind.

-Dr. Seuss

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
-Dr. Seuss

Sometimes the questions are complicated
and the answers are simple.

-Dr. Seuss

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..."
-Dr. Seuss

and my new favorite:

"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"
-Dr. Seuss

Dr. Seuss shares his birthday
with my favorite Sam!!!!

Happy #11!

Great pet owner.

Helping his daddy, and Grandpa's cherry tree.

Grandpa and Grandma by the horses.

Loves Horseback riding and DOGS.

Basketball and Football.

loves FISH LAKE and fishing!
Let's his sister take creative liberty's with him in plays.

Shares his day with Dr. Seuss and Uncle Aaron.

Soccer player.

They share the same birthday,
and a love for Green Eggs and Ham!

That Sam I Am ...that Sam I Am!!
♥ I do so LOVE that Sam I Am ♥
Happy Birthday Buddy!

Monday, March 1, 2010


To get why I am writing what I am going to write you would have to read where I became inspired today: Leftovers, by Stakerz Xposed.

The day Bronson nearly drowned a friend of mine told me to PRAY for Bronson.
I prayed for Bronson, but I prayed harder for his Mother, and his Father.

And I prayed even harder for Me.

Don't get me wrong here.
I didn't pray for me because I was being selfish.
I prayed for me because I realized that I was letting my kids drown.

I felt an overwhelming pain and guilt and shame,
that in such a equal lateral way
I had done what she was suffering.

I had walked away when my kids were in the middle of something.
Something really important to them.
Something crucial to their well being.
Something that needed attention.

I had become distracted thinking that
what I was going to do was so important.

...So necessary.
In that moment...mattered MORE.

Blinds that needed to be dusted.
Blinded me from what was really important.

Floors that needed to be shined,
over-shadowed the shine I could create
in my children's eyes.

Clothes that needed to be washed,
seemed more critical than the
cleansing of my families soul.

I get distracted, by so many things,
be it physical, mental, emotional...
worldly pains, worldly aches
turmoils that stirred a tsunami in me.

It seemed that there were so many things
...keeping me distracted.

And so, the end of January, beginning of February,
I found myself consumed with these feelings.

Feelings of inadequacy,
of turmoil that I was doing
that kept me from what was
really important....


And today, those THINGS that MATTER are clearer to me.
And as I read her blog post on Leftovers....I got it!

I too give Leftovers....


How often in life am I giving those that matter most, my Leftovers?
These boys, who are my heart and soul,
often get whatever is '"Left-over" of me
whenever I think I am done with the rest of my commitments.
They get the little blob of energy that's left of me,
after running around all day.
A cold slab of minimal effort,
because I just want to be done already.
The crumbs that are left of my patience.
(Well, any that haven't already crumbled
from dealing with other people's children.)
And if they are really lucky,
I might even top it off
with the tiny little dollup of fun
that I might actually have left.
But more often than they deserve,
they get the frantic,
task-oriented Drill-Sargent Mom
who is running short on time.
Or the exhausted,
Do-It-Yourself Mom who is ready to collapse.

I am not beating myself up. I am just pondering. I know that I am doing better today than yesterday. I know that I have come a great distance from my past, and yet I have learned through forgiveness to see my past as a blessing, a direction and framework for the best future that I could possibly have. I am thinking...I like to do that.

And sometimes I do my best thinking here. Because it feels a bit accountable. Someone will read it. Sometimes it is only one person, and she gives me wonderful advice. Yet, it feels like I am not alone.
When I leave it here it makes me naked;
in my thoughts, and my feelings,
and I know in a worldly sense I am not alone,
and I remember that in a spiritual sense I am NOT alone., I celebrate the beginning of March!

...I MARCH forward, offering my Family a FEAST of me. May I have the desires and strength to GIVE more of me to them, in every day, in every way, and give it peacefully and with a sense of fulfillment that what I am doing is what MATTERS MOST!

on marriage

'Will you, um, marry me?' I haven't seen you in weeks! You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! You're asking me to give up my - my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda?