Saturday, March 31, 2012

in memory of...mother

we miss you

this past week after the funeral for our brother we went to reminisce and pay respects for mom... and grandma....and daughter (with grandpa). one year from her death; today...last year.
healing is about letting go of the past
and remembering what matters most---
the treasure she left us with....each other. :)

RIP mom ♥

Friday, March 30, 2012

two weeks and one day: weak

processing loss is so hard. just trying to push through and the only easy part is loving those around me who are hurting so much more than i can imagine. it's easy to love them but the pain of the reality that i can't do anything to make it loving them is not enough.

i think the anger stage is really the hardest part because in order to heal you have to let go of this feeling; anger is no way to live. and yet it is all i feel right now. it has been two weeks...and one day...and i am weak.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Come what...??!

last post i casually commentated "come what may" and love it?

well, certainly i could not have known that in a very short time i would lose a brother. our brother passed away last week late Thursday night, likely due to some heart complication. he was engaged in daily mundane of cleaning his truck and end of day chores before another work day works! Just going about life....and now he is gone.

i feel obsessed with grief right now, watching so many that i love ache and writhe in pain and sorrow. it is unbearable. and feels unreal, shocking.

he was 43, he has two beautiful daughters who are teens; too young to lose their father, and their father, my brother, too young to die.

his girls were everything to him, he wouldn't have left them if he had any say. he loves them and he will expect us all to support and love and remember.

i miss you brother, i hate that i miss you so much, and wish that i hadn't been so busy with life, the mundane, the silly stuff that distracts us from opportunities with each other...before it is too late. before they are gone.

we have a lot of memories, but in this cloud of sorrow it seems that all i can feel is regret and sorrow for the loss of memories we still needed to make. we needed to see our kids married, and have babies, and have reunions, and so many more thanksgivings and football games. we needed more of your hugs and smiles and jokes.

come what what....this??? i wish i could say NO. i wish you would wake up from this tragedy and we could have one more .....everything.

jody mac - i love you brother

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

gratiTuesday: on WedNesdAy

a busy yesterday, a busy today

grateful for the ABUNDANCE of life. although it brings with it a lot of running 'round, raising kids, raising heck at is a full life and when i think of the ALTERNATIVE....having nothing and no one...i take today, and yesterday, and tomorrow. ...and WHATEVER comes with.

reminds me of a talk i love: Come What May

"The way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life."

Come what may....and LOVE it!

*GratiTuesday is a trademark

What are you grateful for today?

Monday, March 5, 2012

moves-me monday: The Help

our Sunday family movie-night was the Help. LOVE this movie. read the book a year-ish ago. with my son G-then 16. it was awesome.

Mr. B pointed out how fun it was to listen to us read it together. G had a head injury (TBI) Christmas Eve 2010. Seems so long ago. 1.3 year.s to be almost exact. G is still healing, and the trouble is it is a LONG process, and a confusing process.

anywho, he had to read the book for his AP English, ...and with as serious a head injury as he had he was unable to really read without headaches, forget understanding it at all. yet, together we read, and discussed, and annotated, and laughed and cried, and LOVED the book.

we were planning to see the movie together when it came out. life got in the way of that, as everyone well knows and understands --- life planning is left to the best of intentions ...right!

so, our movie night was The Help. and it was as good as I expected (and had heard). way to review!!!!

i really would love to just comment on all the dialogue, it was that good.

"Courage sometimes skips a generation. Thank you for bringing it back to our family."

"Every day you're not dead in the ground, when you wake up in the morning, you're gonna have to make some decisions. Got to ask yourself this question: "Am I gonna believe all them bad things them fools say about me today?" You hear me today? "Am I gonna believe all them bad things them fools say about me today? You hear me today?" All right? As for your mama, she didn't pick her life. It picked her. But you, you're gonna do something big with yours. You wait and see. "

"She didn't pick her pick her."

"God says we need to love our enemies. It hard to do. But it can start by telling the truth. No one had ever asked me what it feel like to be me. Once I told the truth about that, I felt free. And I got to thinking about all the people I know. And the things I seen and done. My boy Treelore always said we gonna have a writer in the family one day. I guess it's gonna be me."

"Change always begins with a whisper."

"you is kind,
you is smart,
you is important."

on marriage

'Will you, um, marry me?' I haven't seen you in weeks! You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! You're asking me to give up my - my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda?