Mr. B is really frustrated with me and he has let me know it today. I am so worried because I can see that he is under a lot of stress at work. I have also been really difficult to him because of my stresses. I tried earlier today to get him to talk to me but he just said he is done.
Today was that way for me too. I didn’t do well on the practice test for math, and still don’t understand some of the simpler concepts. After school the kids had piano lessons, I feel like I am running a Taxi today. I haven’t had time to shower yet and feel like I am going to break. I have had neighbor moms call me to help shuttle their kids to Scouts tonight, my kids piano is going over.
The schedule today is crazy and completely unbelievable. 3:00 – pick kids up from school, 4:00 S-8’s piano lesson (my good friend sees the condition of my face – worry, stress, tired – and offers to bring up a quick dinner, I accept) 4:30 shuffle S home from Piano and get Cece-10 to her lesson, 5:15: pick up Cece (she is not done, working on her recital piece). I have to come back this way to take the neighbor boy to scouts in 15 minutes anyways. Drop him to Scouts 5:45 – Pick up Cece. See a neighbor walking home, give her a ride. Her son and my son have scouts in 20 minutes so I pick up her boy and come home to get G-12.
My neighbor is bringing my dinner over; she sees the chaos of the house in its entirety. I don’t think I have ever had such disarray going on. I know that the positive thing in this is that our lives are so full. And I should also recognize that while I was giving service to others I was also being served in return.
Sometimes we don’t feel the effects of our helping others so quickly. I am also in a lot of pain from this growth in my abdomen and need to get it looked at. My kidneys are hurting as well. I have never had to really deal with so much weird stuff going on and all the chaos on top of it...
'Will you, um, marry me?' I haven't seen you in weeks! You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! You're asking me to give up my - my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda?