Well, I didn’t fail, but I got a B, which is pretty much unacceptable for me.
I know that I need to work on my expectations of myself. Part of my responsibility for this is that I didn’t sleep at all last night. My brother, Jake, and I stayed up to 2:30 am watching movies and chatting. Then when I went to bed, Mr. B woke me up and said I need to talk. We talked till dawn.
I still thought that I could pull it off, with my test, but I missed all the easy questions and one was simply because I didn’t add correctly. I could not believe it. The professor told me not to worry about it, he even said I could still get an A out of the class, with four more tests (and you can retake two of them), but I was still disappointed because I have too high of expectations.
Jake told me not to worry about it because I will end up some day having professors who refuse to give A’s no matter how hard you try, and he said I should think of how worth it it was to talk to Mr. B because things are definitely getting better. He is right.
I also had an amazing time with him and have an idea for a magazine article from the seminar last night. I love writing.
The positive note today is that we happened to be down at the library during the bombing on the third floor. The kids were stunned, and Jake and I still have a hard time believing it happened, but we were all fine. We heard it and immediately Jake said, hey let’s get going. We didn’t know what had happened, so we just took the elevator to the top and walked down. By the time we did they had been evacuating the whole building. The kids were scared getting in to the elevator, and in hindsight, that wasn’t such a good call. S-7 sat on the floor and held his knees to his chest; I could tell he was near tears. I just grabbed his hand and told him all was well. It took us one hour to get around the block to go home once we got into the car. Crazy business, but the positive thing today, we are all well.
G-almost 12 had a soccer game. It was good to drive out there. The sunset was phenomenal. We stopped at the an old factory to take pictures. G's team won their game, he was so syked (is that a word,...really?).
'Will you, um, marry me?' I haven't seen you in weeks! You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! You're asking me to give up my - my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda?