Friday, March 22, 2013

Why I started blogging?

Flashback to the beginning! Why I blog!?!!?

I had forgotten why I started blogging.  I read a church acquaintance friends blog tonight and one of her posts asked why others blog.  I had some thoughts...but really had to go back to my beginning....2006....to find the answer.  Deeper than that, when I read those posts from 2006 and realized I feel some of the same things now and a LOT of gratitude for a bit of growth those experiences brought it answers the question, makes me thankful I blogged, and begs another:  Why don't I blog MORE now???

I blogged then because if I didn't life would've been a blur...I would forget my kids were little once...I would be so caught up in the now that I would have little ability to remember the then.

Both moments, the now and then, bring a level of chaos that are very difficult for me to really imagine I survived ...or will survive...but when I look back to then and see that I have gotten to now I realize -- this too shall pass, and I will miss it.

I miss my littles (then) -- trying (now) to raise my bigs.  And yet....aren't my kids still little?
At 18, 16, 14, and 11...they still feel like my babies to me.

A lot has changed and, bluntly, so many things recently have hurt so much that I haven't been on the blog roll.  Afraid of shedding light to our truths...now.

I kind of avoid journaling all together hoping that this part of life will not be too present in my future.

I keep waiting for a miracle to change some of the events that have happened...but God has His own timing and I am beginning to trust it a little more.  I feel like it is going to be best if I focus forward and celebrate the amazing parts of now.

Even amidst the darkness of our challenges there is an amazing light and some wonderful moments.  Those are the things I need to ponder, to journal, to express.

I think I am done waiting for some magic balm to make right the wrongs.  We are here and I need to leave a little footprint of now to look back upon.

We will not just survive this...we will thrive.

I remember the past having plenty of frustrations, and as I read my journal entries I am thankful to see the process of my strengths and growth through reading some pieces of that past.

The question begged "why don't I blog more now?" and truth....it is because I have been afraid to share me now....us now.  So much has changed....maybe it is time for me to step back into the light!

1 comment:

Christopher Johnson said...

Good to know that some of us "long-timer's" still blog from time to time. For me at least, I know that a lot of the big topics I wanted to share have already been shared, and the others I don't have the motivation to finish.
Wishing you the best of skill in stepping back into the light and sharing the adventure that is your life.

on marriage

'Will you, um, marry me?' I haven't seen you in weeks! You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! You're asking me to give up my - my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda?