The Parents Tao Te Ching - Book Review

Excellent Book - Five Stars

A couple of excerpts from the book:

As They Are

When you are with your children
be one with them.
Let every part of your body relax
and become as supple as your child's,
Allow all expectations and anxieties to melt away
so that you can see clearly.
Love them as they are
in this very moment,
without needing to change a thing.

When their lives are filled with trouble
allow events to unfold
without pushing or straining,
and you will understand clearly
what your role should be.

You nourish them without posessing them.
You guide them without controlling them.
You help them without worrying.

Being with your children can be like meditating.
When you are with your child next,
forget the past,
forget the future,
and let your mind and heart come
to be where your body is.


Can you make room?

If you fill every waking moment
of your children's lives
they will have no room
to be themselves
If you push them constantly
they will break.
If you burden them with an abundance
of material toys
their hearts will contract in possessiveness.
If you always try to please them
you will be their prisoner,
not their parent.

Don't strive or strain.
Do your work, then rest.
Your children will learn serenity.

Are your children problems to be solved,
or people to be loved.
Consider current problems with your children.
Can you create a space,
free from your own anxieties,
in which they are able to find their own way,
feeling your love,
but not your expectations?

by William Martin

tao of Have a Happy Day!

"In Taoist Feng Shui, there is a well-guarded secret set of codes that will, when mastered properly, allow you to have any and everything you want in life. These codes are called 'The Five Mystic Codes' and are really for study by only the most serious students. The first of these Five Codes is called The Heart Secret and says that anyone -- even you -- can train yourself to the point that whatever you spend time thinking about will literally happen. This first code purports that you must maintain a mastery over your thoughts before you can manifest your wishes and desires. The premise is that this thinking is done using your very first thought in the morning. The absolute moment you awaken you must then think only about what it is that you would like to come true. You cannot open your eyes, or even let any wandering thoughts stray through your mind. And, even though this sounds relatively simple, it demands focus, concentration, repetition and practice. A powerful discipline with the ability to effect a hugely positive change.

On this one: You snooze, you lose! Ellen Whitehurst, Astrology.com "


Me: okay, so I was thinking back to my post: not breathing...can't remember who to call.

advice to myself: ..."very first thought of the morning. The absolute moment you awaken you must think only about what it is that you would like."

Summary...that is what my problem is. I wake up grumpy (just kidding Mr. B!).

Then I get up and act like grumpy.

Mary Poppins Tao

Okay, awake and remembering what "seeds" were planted in me yesterday.

The tao was to wake up with a better "attitude". I woke up with a sweet husband, memories of our evening together. The very loud Homecoming party the University was having.

Boys waking up at 930 because the music was blaring so loud. J-7 wanted us to tell the party to go to bed. Instead, we shut the windows, and turned on some music for them in their room. I woke up to their music still playing. Be still, my soul....

Okay, why the Mary Poppins. As I was doing the dishes this morning, (the dishes I wouldn't let Mr. B finish last night because I wanted to take a walk with him up to the Homecoming party...the blaring music...and just enjoy the evening and his company)...dot, dot, dot...

Mary Poppins...in our kitchen (where I was doing dishes) my kids have posted the song from the movie, with a plea to us, Mom and Dad. It goes:

If you want this choice position,
have a cheery disposition,
Rosy cheeks, no warts!
Play games, all sort
You must be kind, you must be witty
Very sweet and fairly pretty
Take us on outings, give us treats
Sing songs, bring sweets
Never be cross or cruel
Never give us castor oil or gruel
Love us as a son and daughter
And never smell of barley water
If you won't scold and dominate us
We will never give you cause to hate us
We won't hide your spectacles
So you can't see Put toads in your bed
Or pepper in your tea
Hurry, Mommy! Many thanks
Sincerely, the kids! ♥

Okay, so that sums it up. I am humming this in my head this morning, hoping for a better day with myself. Never be cross or cruel....if you wont scold and dominate us...

I will be nice, I will be patient, I will filter the things that are in my head before my mouth reveals my weaknesses. I am the mother.

Although I frequently remind my kids that they had the choice to come to me, and they knew very well what they were getting themselves into. They must know something I don't.

Ready to learn, ready to nurture the seeds that I have within me.

--me
'Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to dance in the rain'

The Fern and The Bamboo

THE FERN & THE BAMBOO

One day I decided to quit.... I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality.....

I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with God. "God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me... "Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied. "When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo".

He said. "In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit.

He said. "Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant. But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."

He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots. I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you. Don't compare yourself to others."

He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern, yet, they both make the forest beautiful." "Your time will come," God said to me. "You will rise high!"

"How high should I rise?" I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned.

"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can." I left the forest and brought back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you........ Never regret a day in your life. Good days give you Happiness. Bad days give you Experiences. Both are essential to life. Keep going... Happiness keeps you Sweet, Trials keep you Strong, Sorrows keep you Human, Failures keep you Humble, Success keeps you Glowing, But Only God keeps you Going! Have a great day! The Son is shining!! God is so big He can cover the whole world with his Love and so small He can curl up inside your heart.

COURAGE

Sometimes the absolutely worse thing
in the world is leaving the kids at school.
Driving away, hearing them say, "love you mom", "have a happy day",
carrying their lunch boxes, with a note of love and confidence.
I always hope people will be nice today.
Will they come home with delightful experiences,
or are they going to encounter something else?

G in Junior High, being indoctrinated by teachers with opinions.
Opinions different than mine.
Having conversations that have to do with our world;
Immigration, global warming, the next presidential election,
wanting to know what things mean
when I am still trying to figure those things out. What am I thinking?

Why not spend the entire day with my children running barefoot through the grass,
rolling down hills, swinging in tree swings,
knowing that you will reach the sky if you just pump a little harder.
I can play four square, kick-ball, jumprope.
I can teach them times tables, and how to write an essay.
I just miss them, and wish they missed me a little more.
But they are independant and going to grow up no matter what I do.

When they were little and learning to walk,
I would trip them up, "gently" push them back down, crawl a little longer;
I would beg.
Cuddle more with me, come into our room at night,
oh, how I miss having four of them all
trying to find a place to snuggle at night.
Making beds on the floor of my room.
I guess they needed that because I was pushing
them out into the world of school and sports.
I suppose that is why they needed more at night,
because they were learning and growing,
and they wanted to have all the time in the world with me too.
I miss that. It does go away, and I don't like it.
They loose their youth, they grow into these wonderful people
that are so like yourself, and yet so like their own person.
I have planted them as seeds, now I need the courage to let them grow.

I guess that is why I am trying to redefine me.
Who I am? What kind of a world do I see myself
offering these little people as they grow up.
I tell them, "stop growing up",
and J replies,
"Mom, you can grow up with us."
Thanks J, if I can be with them for now,
I guess I won't worry about tomorrow.
And maybe I can work out an appreciation
for the time that I have to define me,
while they are out there, exposed to our wonderful world;
well at least it is an interesting experience.

There is something to what they gain, that I can't give them.
It's just the courage it takes to let go of them;
remembering what was written by a third grade girl,
to go with her art piece. It has stayed with me ever since.
This is what our kids are doing while they are away growing up.
They are learning to be stars, sensitive, thoughtful, aware, respectful, students.
They are little seedlings, sprouting.
They are learning to have the courage to be their best person.

So, yes; my children: Have a happy day!

Courage:
Courage, it is the hardest thing you will ever muster up.
It can also be the most important quality you will ever need
in a very scary situation.
This small fragile sprout represents courage.
It takes a lot of courage for such a helpless sprout to become a plant.
It must brave the elements every day.
I wish I were as courageous as this helpless sprout.

ME TOO!

"Yes, We're Grounded!"

What you must know going into this: We do not generally use grounding. It has only been used as a punishment to fit the crime. Like the time when G had forgotten who we were trying to raise him to be. To remind him, we grounded him to a list of words which he had to look up in the collegiate (1500 pages) dictionary. From the list and their definitions he had to put them in report form. Which word would I like to describe me, and which words would I like to avoid being described as. Sounds easy, except that he was only 7 years old, in the first grade, and we had given him words which would require that he look up more words to define; took him a bit longer than a week, for the first draft. At that age their handwriting is atrocious, so of coarse a re-write was in order. It was so impressionable that no one in our home has forgotten.

Cece had the same punishment…

Second, G was grounded from me once for a period of two weeks; for disrespect towards me. The natural punishment was that he lost the “privilege” of me and, with that, all that I do for him. (This actually works very well. Painful enough that we have had no more incidences worthy of such grounding.)

At this time he was in the 3rd grade. He had the opportunity to eat oatmeal for two weeks, in his room. Do his own laundry. Walk to and from school. Eat pb and j, with carrots and water for lunch (at school…no cookies, etc, notes from mom, just boring old sack lunch – very painful punishment!) and ditto for dinner – in his room. He could not talk to me, ask me questions. He was to report directly to his desk and was given various writing tasks by his dad. He was also given only two bathroom breaks a day. After a couple weeks of missing mom’s dinners, love, attention and attending too, he was ready to understand that respecting his mother gains him great comforts.

You would not think that this would be a good thing to aspire to.

Alas, S-9 and J-7 are grounded. Unfortunately, I allowed them to come up with their punishment this time, and this is how it went.

After walking the dog and checking in with various neighbors to see what their after school treats were, they decided that without telling mom they would stay at the house with the best offer.

After about an hour of dog walking time I began to worry. Not so much for the boys, but for the neighbors whom they were certainly entertaining.

Sending out an SOS (ie G and Cece), the boys were called home and given a stern lecture, dinner, pajamas and meet me at the couch to talk punishment.

They came up with being grounded.

I thought, not what I would have chosen, a bit harsh, but….both agreed it was what they wanted.

I gave in. And then…..in unison, “YES, WERE GROUNDED.” We get to eat in our room. The cheers, I am certain, could be heard downtown, because about that time their dad called to see if everything was “okay.”

Me, in shock, “Yeah, were fine, the boys are just off celebrating that they are grounded.”

(Later I hear them talking, “finally, we get to be grounded.” “I am going to clean up my desk, how about you?” “Yeah, we get a whole week in here, so I want it to be clean.” “What do you think mom will serve us for dinner?” “We don’t have to go to piano….we don’t have to go to scouts….I don’t even think we can come out to go to church.”)

Watch out world. (and in conclusion: why didn’t I think of this, peace and quietly I get to type away, eat what I want, when I want, and they are in their room CLEANING.)

We Remember