Last night my cell phone saved my children's life.
If you ever think that a feeling you have is not necessary to follow, think again.
I was having quite a time with my emotion yesterday. I tend to be very tender and emotional, not something that I came up with, something about myself that has recently been pointed out to me, and something that I have been since pondering about myself.
Yesterday was a beautiful day. A day of quiet reflection, of writing about healing, and hope, of documenting some of our fun family events, of finishing homework [which always gives me a feeling of relief for the week.]
...Of HUGGING one of my favorite people who made the CHOICE to get on a plane no matter what the turmoil she might feel and fly across the country so that she could share her HUGS and share her LIGHT, and share her LOVE with those of us who have been MISSING her so much. Yes, yesterday was a beautiful day!
...and then, the tears began to flow...again.
I don't know why, I don't know where they are going to come from, never WHEN they are going to come.
Oh, I could give you a THOUSAND reasons that I feel like crying, but I could also list TEN-THOUSAND blessings that should salve the wounds and lift my spirits.
But the tears...they come.
So, here I found myself last night, with my children, patiently working out their schedules and needs, some demands, and some just needing a hug or three, or wanting to give a hug and snuggle. Takes time!!! And well worth it, they are!!!
I was torn between a few things last night.
Dinner with previously mentioned special person,
...a church responsibility,
...and the needs of four little/BIG children.
Then there is MR. B...who willingly offered to lift my spirits by lending a hand and heart. "Just drop the kids off, I will run so needed errands with them, and see you when you get back from where you are going."
I took him up on it. After calling and excusing myself from a ride to one mentioned event. During the call my neighbor and dear friend could hear the tears in my shaky voice, she is like that. She could tell that all was not well.
[personal clarification: all is well, just my well is full and overflowing right now...]
She said, "...if you make it, no worries. Please take care of YOU."
And here is where the cell phone call that saved our lives comes in:
Children safely buckled into the car...
I begin the drive...it is a nice drive, a wonderful drive through our great city. The kids are loving the lights and the big buildings and talking pleasantly among themselves. The weather is amazing tonight...the car windows are down, and the boys are hanging their gloved hands out waving to people on the streets. The music was perfect for the drive, and my daughter chatted about her day, what she had planned for tomorrow, the upcoming play, the costume she needs, her last soccer game this coming Saturday....and on and on...
I am stopped at a light near the freeway entrance to our city. My phone rings and for a second I think to answer it because my oldest is not home.
I think to myself, I will just check, it could be him.
It was my friend, the one who had called about giving me a ride to the church meeting tonight.
I hesitate because I should answer it, but I can feel the tears again.
She is so sensitive to me, I don't want to cry, not here.
Not now, not while I am driving and so enjoying the moment listening to my daughter. I will call her back after I drop the kids off...
And that is when i LOOKED UP!!!
The light had changed, I hear screeching, a terrible sound, RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES.... The cars next to me had already began to move through the light. A large VERY LARGE truck ran the RED LIGHT...
I am stunned...
I must have sat there for another minute, watching the man back up from the scene. Looking into his face and seeing the terror in his eyes reflecting my own feelings.
The car next to me escaped by inches by slamming on their breaks, and the car three lanes over from me was stopped and had been missed by the truck by a blessed mere inches as well. We would not have been so lucky, we would have been in the space between them all...we would have been in the inches.
I smell BURNING RUBBER through the windows that are down. I see the fear in my daughters face....I turn to look at my boys, thankful....just thankful. I see my youngest praying, already praying....already thanking God that we were okay.
He is 8 years old, he already recognized that we needed to pray .
My daughter, age 12, looks at me in terror and says, "Mommy, in my mind I saw the accident happen. We were going to be hit...the lights came right at me, and I see I am not okay. I am not okay.....Mommy...."
"It's okay honey. We are okay."
We are okay.
How humble I am to be able to say, we are all okay.
The other three cars are all startled, as we are, but we are ALL okay.
I am stunned, I am humbled. I realize that in an instant that this can be your last day. I realize that no matter what I may be feeling, how inadequate I feel to the challenges of motherhood, of being a good neighbor, daughter, sister, friend, wife....I have LIFE and living my LIFE is all that I have.
I am humble today, thankful that we were able to wake up in our own beds.
I am thankful for the phone call that I didn't answer but that caused me to hesitate pulling into that intersection, that saved the lives of my children,
...so that we may LIVE.
I had planned to head home, to read or write in my journal, watch TV, cry...., but in remembrance of the blessing that had just been bestowed upon us in that moment I headed to my church meeting.
I felt I would be ungrateful to not go.
I was duly tearful still. Even more so as I was humble to what I had experienced.
I mentioned to my friend who had called, "I am sorry that I didn't take you call right then. I was driving with the kids." I briefly told her about the near accident and thanked her for calling. I wrapped my arms around her and told her that I really believe her phone called saved us from a terrible accident.
She told me this: "I almost didn't call you. I was sitting in your driveway. I could see you were not home. I thought it was silly to call knowing you have a lot on your plate right now. I thought I should call, but then thought I really shouldn't. And then I called.
I just called, and I didn't know why
...I was feeling so strongly that I should call....."
If you EVER have a feeling that you think you should do something ....even if you think it is not necessary to follow,....or silly....., just remember what I say here. THINK AGAIN!!!
When I look at my 8 year old, my 10 year old, my daughter....and even ME, my reflection in the mirror....I am thankful that someone dear to me followed an impression, which impression caused me to hesitate, and which hesitation humbly gave me a chance to see my life and my children's lives flash before my eyes.
I don't know what the outcome would have been, I don't know if I would have missed the accident, if I would have seen the truck in time...
I don't really want to know the answer to that.
I am just thankful today....and hope that in some way I will be an instrument in someones life in the way that this experience has been instrumental in mine.....
Today I am ...humble, faithful....peaceful, thankful!