Thursday, November 19, 2009

Life Drain

As soon as I read this discussion in my Marriage and Family course today I felt like I could write a novel about the subject.

The question is regarding work and role overload and asks how a family manages to balance all they are responsible for without losing sight of what is most important to them.

It also asked how a woman can carry a full-time job, while going back to school, in a relationship and motherhood, ...SUCCESSFULLY???

[sounds familiar....with hope for success]

Ironically I have been asking myself this very question....not in such an eloquently rhetorical expression.
My simple question is
how to remain human while raising them.

However the question is is my summation:

We are in serious work/school/raising kids overload right now.

Our kids are 15, 13, 10, and 8 years old. My husband has a job that keeps him from 8 am until 8 pm everyday. He is committed to time with me and the family as much as he can possibly give.

One solution for his demanding schedule is that we have a date every Wednesday evening. The kids actually spend the night at their Aunts house. She did not have children of her own and so it is a blessing on both sides. The kids look forward to it, and we enjoy the time together.

My husband is also home in the mornings for breakfast and for getting the kids off to school; he does the bedtime routine of stories, brushing teeth, prayers, and tucking the kids in at night.

We have had to do a lot of balancing to get to this point.

During the summers he comes home for lunch, and we have discussed having him take a late lunch during the school year so that he can have dinner with us.

Every Monday Night we have Family Night, something our church promotes, and so on that night he makes every effort to get home EARLY.

I think that we have to keep in mind that what works today is not what will work tomorrow, and it is certainly not how we have always done things.

We have to be flexible, communicate A LOT, and deal with the circumstances and changes that come with our kids growing ages and stages.

We both have community and church responsibilities as well. We have to work together to be sure that someone is always with the children and that they are not being put on the back burner for our other interests.

The significant thing is that our sight is set to our children, our family and the needs there being met with priority. The children and our relationship are the most important parts of this.

We have to consider every persons needs; gratitude, compassion, consideration and communication are key.

My full-time job is being a Mother and Wife, I am in school three-quarter time and have been for 4 years now. My answer to the question regarding how a woman can maintain her relationship is locked up in all that I have already said. Communication and time together is priority. You definitely have to be creative in making things work and remember what is most important.

This may be my last semester for a while, sadly, yet it is what is necessary. It is about me being flexible, recognizing what is in the best interest of my children, my family, my relationship, and good health.

Our childrens' ages are requiring a great deal more and with my husbands hours I am solely responsible for their afterschool/homework/social/emotional needs. They need more of me now than they used to, and there is a great deal more to their needs.

As a family we have communicated, and have come up with the best interest for them and for us. It doesn't feel like quitting, just a breather so that they have the best childhood that we can give them.

Whenever we have found ourselves in conflict we take the time to communicate and to brain storm together until we come up with what we feel is best for our family as a whole. This course has helped me make the decision because I realize how crucial this period of their childhood is.

Our family relationships depend on making decisions that are in the best interest of us as a whole unit.

My summary: Communicate, compassion, family time, conflict solving, ...SUCCESS.

I see that there is a great deal of work and role overload just managing the lives of our children and balance with our relationship as a couple.

I did not know it would ever be quite like this but we are committed to doing our best for them and for each other. The pendulum swings both directions:

however difficult that some days can be,

the blessings
and the good times
are full reward

Work together, be committed, work hard, be loving, work willingly, and it will work!


LeShel said...

lots to think about. I remember answering this question when i took the class. makes you think.

MoziEsmé said...

Wow - how perfectly summed up! Communication, flexibility, and all that other good stuff. Easier said than done, but I'm glad you're okay with taking a breather...

Barbaloot said...

I'm amazed at the woman that seem to juggle so many things these days. I just have myself to take care of and I get overwhelmed with that sometimes!

Lara said...

I think it is all about communication and flexibility, but mostly about service. It's so easy to get into a mode where my stuff is more important than his stuff, and so forth. When you are a team and you work together, it really works. Different for everyone, but it works.

Great post!

R Max said...


I LOVE YOU said...


on marriage

'Will you, um, marry me?' I haven't seen you in weeks! You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! You're asking me to give up my - my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda?