Okay, go with me here for a minute if you would like. I am feeling very passionate about the love of my life, Mr. B!
Mr. B has been in my life since I was 20 years old. By 20 I thought I would grow old alone, never to fall in love with anyone who would fall back in love with me. I had been hurt enough by that point of my life that I was not WILLING to fall in love, in fact; by then I thought love was a hoax.
You see, before I get into what my heart wants to write today I have to confess a few things about my life. My confession comes to you with pure intent. To give you a bit of background you probably don't know about me.
I may come off as a whiner sometimes in my posting, because truly I am blessed. And I am very grateful, but I have a few problems which cloud my ability to be capable and happy. These are not your run of the mill problems. I have suffered from self induced addictions, I suffer from depression now, and not the just having a down day kind of depression, the debilitating kind. I also have anxiety, and I am a bit of a hoarder. I am afraid to throw anything away. I grew up really poor, and moved often. Actually moved at least once a year. I had lived in what some would consider stable homes until I was 9, but those homes also had trouble. The kind of trouble children recognize, and childhood is not all it is cracked up to be. I think at last count I had lived in 13 homes by the time I was 15, and at 16 I was abandoned by my mother, given up to the state by my father, and adopted into a foster home, so home #14. I consider my home now sweet 16, and being a bit OCD; and liking odd numbers, I always fear that I will lose the life I know.
But, sweet 16 is where I have spent the last 16 years of my life. My life with Mr. B.
This week I want to write the legends of Mr. B. My life with him up to now. I have been dealing with this awful depression, and he is patiently suffering with me. I think a tribute to this man is worth it's weight in words. Follow me as we go back rhetorically and laugh, cry and love him. It isn't much, but it is what I have to offer him.
Happy Valentines B.
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query legends of mr. b. Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query legends of mr. b. Sort by date Show all posts
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
B
I got a B!
Yep...exclamation point B.
...did i mention FINALS are over....?
I have been checking my grades everyday for a week now. This class that I barely got through...nearly failed the final...submitted my paper +1 minute later than the on-line-deadline, went into with an A....and ended with a B...exclamation point!
What is a B to me today? ....it's a reminder:
B happy.
B patient.
B thankful.
B cheerful.
B more.
B aware.
B sensitive.
B thoughtful.
B giving.
B content.
B willing.
B thrifty.
B productive.
B friend.
And my FAVORITE B....mr B!
..it has been too long since I wrote the legends of Mr. B.
Here is a link to
Check it out!
I did and it was a good reminder.
today....i am okay with a B!
Yep...exclamation point B.
...did i mention FINALS are over....?
I have been checking my grades everyday for a week now. This class that I barely got through...nearly failed the final...submitted my paper +1 minute later than the on-line-deadline, went into with an A....and ended with a B...exclamation point!
What is a B to me today? ....it's a reminder:
B happy.
B patient.
B thankful.
B cheerful.
B more.
B aware.
B sensitive.
B thoughtful.
B giving.
B content.
B willing.
B thrifty.
B productive.
B friend.
And my FAVORITE B....mr B!
..it has been too long since I wrote the legends of Mr. B.
Here is a link to
Check it out!
I did and it was a good reminder.
today....i am okay with a B!
(and still...in love...with Mr. B!)
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
B Mine Legends - Take 2
I was thinking when this rhetoric challenge began that I wanted to share one specific instant in our marriage. Among the excerpts that you will given during the next couple of weeks, in celebration our life together, this is in the forefront; so I might as well write it now, and get to the point.
As I was lying with B a couple of nights ago I had a sort of epiphany moment. My brain was firing; part of the disease of depression, which usually makes it so that I can not sleep. I lie awake with so much on my mind that I feel my spirit is suffocating, and I don't know how to find relief.
Lying in B's arms I gently nudged him. Sometimes I can arouse him, yes, I mean arouse. [If this is painful to read, come back tomorrow, I won't be as blunt. But I HAVE to get this down in words, it is so meaningful to me.]
My Mr. B is an amazing person. I love to be with him. I haven't always been this way. I use to cringe at his touch. Not because of anything he has done.
I was abused; severely, as a child. This abuse was sexual in nature, as well as
emotional, mental, physical elements of abuse. And the worse part was the abandonment because of the abuse. To be left because I finally had the guts to say NO MORE is possibly the part that I struggle with the most.
He has been patient, through my years of healing, and when I am not all the way there, he gives me the space to work through it, again.
That said, I needed him. I needed his touch, the comfort of being together and knowing that he loves every part of me, of who I am. That tenderness that comes as two people become one.
[Remember that I didn't always have this or feel this way.]
My poor husband, first dating me, had a girl who thought men were ALL just perfectly crappy and worthless, only in relationships for one thing and abusive at best. I had no intention on falling in love, or being with him long term.
It was temporary. In fact, being LDS, we believe in marriage eternal, I would NOT marry him in the temple. [see my marriage disclaimer in the sidebar]
I told him nothing lasts forever, why set yourself up for disappointment and failure. Just for now is fine, and we will deal with the rest as it comes along.
Somehow I got stuck in my head that our marriage would not last any longer than my parents; 15 years.
So this year, sweet 16, and sweet 16 years living in the same place. I feel truly passionate about the love I have been mysteriously blessed with, and the security I finally have. Boy have I ever fought against it.
Having this beautiful and amazing moment with him, and lying in his arms, the musky smell of his cologne intoxicating my senses. I begin to finally drift to sleep and he quietly says: Girl, I love you.
It was all I needed. He wasn't more eloquant, not words of the flowery substance, just a simple gesture of love, which I am sure he thought I may have not even heard in my early sleep. But I did. And B, back attcha: Boy, I love you.
I love your smell, I love your touch, I love your sensitive side, I love your patience. I love you! Thanks for loving me, even the broken parts of me, and for being YOU. YOU are my Mr. B. A modern legend, a sweet surprise, in a world of chaos. Being loved by you is making me a better person.
As I was lying with B a couple of nights ago I had a sort of epiphany moment. My brain was firing; part of the disease of depression, which usually makes it so that I can not sleep. I lie awake with so much on my mind that I feel my spirit is suffocating, and I don't know how to find relief.
Lying in B's arms I gently nudged him. Sometimes I can arouse him, yes, I mean arouse. [If this is painful to read, come back tomorrow, I won't be as blunt. But I HAVE to get this down in words, it is so meaningful to me.]
My Mr. B is an amazing person. I love to be with him. I haven't always been this way. I use to cringe at his touch. Not because of anything he has done.
He has always been patient and kind.
I was abused; severely, as a child. This abuse was sexual in nature, as well as
emotional, mental, physical elements of abuse. And the worse part was the abandonment because of the abuse. To be left because I finally had the guts to say NO MORE is possibly the part that I struggle with the most.
Hence, having problems for much of my married life with intimacy. So for me to say that I love to be with my husband, is a huge step for me, and
tremendously healing.
tremendously healing.
He has been patient, through my years of healing, and when I am not all the way there, he gives me the space to work through it, again.
That said, I needed him. I needed his touch, the comfort of being together and knowing that he loves every part of me, of who I am. That tenderness that comes as two people become one.
Amazing, and very necessary as part of a marriage.
[Remember that I didn't always have this or feel this way.]
My poor husband, first dating me, had a girl who thought men were ALL just perfectly crappy and worthless, only in relationships for one thing and abusive at best. I had no intention on falling in love, or being with him long term.
It was temporary. In fact, being LDS, we believe in marriage eternal, I would NOT marry him in the temple. [see my marriage disclaimer in the sidebar]
I told him nothing lasts forever, why set yourself up for disappointment and failure. Just for now is fine, and we will deal with the rest as it comes along.
Somehow I got stuck in my head that our marriage would not last any longer than my parents; 15 years.
So this year, sweet 16, and sweet 16 years living in the same place. I feel truly passionate about the love I have been mysteriously blessed with, and the security I finally have. Boy have I ever fought against it.
Having this beautiful and amazing moment with him, and lying in his arms, the musky smell of his cologne intoxicating my senses. I begin to finally drift to sleep and he quietly says: Girl, I love you.
It was all I needed. He wasn't more eloquant, not words of the flowery substance, just a simple gesture of love, which I am sure he thought I may have not even heard in my early sleep. But I did. And B, back attcha: Boy, I love you.
I love your smell, I love your touch, I love your sensitive side, I love your patience. I love you! Thanks for loving me, even the broken parts of me, and for being YOU. YOU are my Mr. B. A modern legend, a sweet surprise, in a world of chaos. Being loved by you is making me a better person.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
B Mine Legends - Take 3: B-stings
Wow, this adventura is morphing every day!
Thanks for coming along on our journey of LOVE.
How it began?
Well, I was dating and frivolously hanging around with quite a few different men and boys, not appropriately I might add. I was rebellious, chaotic, and having the time of my life. I had freedom, I made up my own mind, I tried not to hurt anyone but somewhere inside I was aching for something that nothing I did was fulfilling.
My foster sister and I went to school, it was a great idea of hers; I just went along with it. I went into Office Systems, she Dental Assistant. One of her instructors became a good friend of ours. When school ended we began to hang out; movies, lunch, girl stuff.
One day our friend invited us up to her parents home, when we got there she introduced us to her brother; AWWWWW, my heart skipped a beat:
The Boy Next Door.
He was so handsome and boyish. He quickly said hello and ran off to move his yellow Mustang.
About a week later he called, I answered the phone,
My first B-sting... OUCH!
Well, the night that he came to pick her up she said,
I said, "Don't worry; He's a snob and a nerd, I don't want to be pretty."
SOOO I put my head in a wrap and cleaned the house until he showed up. I said to them both,
"Be home on time, be safe." And off they went.
When they left he asked my sister, "Was that your mom?" 2nd B-STING!
They dated for about 3 months. Every time they went out he was so specific with her. I would make fun of him.
He would call and his conversations would go like so:
Hello, I have a reservation at 6:30, it is approximately 17 minutes from your home so I will pick you up at 6:13. The movie begins at 8:10, we should arrive at the theatre by 7:57. I will have you returned home by 5 to 10. BORING!!!
Well, my sister and I still had girls night with our friend, his sister, while she was dating him. Sometimes he would come along. I come to a point where I really like his company. He is a nice kid. But, being my sisters MOM, I always acted so uninterested in anything about him.
He pointed out that I fell asleep during movies, and SNORED, B-sting. He spoiled my sister, of course, B-sting.
He treated her with respect, B-sting.
Everything he did was so perfect, kind, thoughtful.
BUT, my sister wasn't that into him, B-STING.
Are you KIDDING?
Well, she got engaged to another boy she was dating.
Suddenly he was available to date. Did I want to? NO, WHY WOULD I!!!
I mean he picked her because he thought she was cuter.
Well, as the world turned, so did the chance for us.
He called. He called and I was SOOOO OVER him.
I, like Charlie Brown and the girl with the red hair; I WAS OVER HIM SO THAT HE COULDN'T EVER BE OVER ME!!!
My red-headed Mr. B called me. He called and asked for me.
My sister said, "Yes, she's here." While I am dancing in the background saying TELL HIM I AM NOT HOME.
She then says, "Yes, she is available tonight."
I could have killed her.
I get on the phone and he says, "The symphony begins at 7pm, it takes approximately 15 minutes to park, walk and be in our seats. I would like to pick you up at 6:15. We could get ice cream afterwards and I will have you home by 10pm."
Are you kidding me??? I don't even go out until 10 pm. HOME BY TEN.
BORING!!!! The symphony....BORING.
"Do I have to dress up?" Is all I say.
"Yes. That would be appropriate." He replys
Of course it would.
At this point I am clenching my teeth and fists at my sister.
I have a date with a nerd! B-sting!!!
Finally, after he picks me up he tells me he is so glad that I could go. He has to go to the symphony for a class he is taking, and write a paper on it. He asked every girl he knew, and even his boss if he could take his daughter. NO ONE ELSE WAS AVAILABLE.
I was the bottom of the barrel, his LAST thought. B-STING!!!!
And, after a few heated conversations while driving, controversial at best, a symphony that I tried not to snore through, a cone of ice cream and NOT EVEN A KISS GOODNIGHT, I shut the door and realize: Hmmm, I might want to marry him; he might be my boy next door.
Thanks for coming along on our journey of LOVE.
How it began?
Well, I was dating and frivolously hanging around with quite a few different men and boys, not appropriately I might add. I was rebellious, chaotic, and having the time of my life. I had freedom, I made up my own mind, I tried not to hurt anyone but somewhere inside I was aching for something that nothing I did was fulfilling.
My foster sister and I went to school, it was a great idea of hers; I just went along with it. I went into Office Systems, she Dental Assistant. One of her instructors became a good friend of ours. When school ended we began to hang out; movies, lunch, girl stuff.
One day our friend invited us up to her parents home, when we got there she introduced us to her brother; AWWWWW, my heart skipped a beat:
The Boy Next Door.
He was so handsome and boyish. He quickly said hello and ran off to move his yellow Mustang.
About a week later he called, I answered the phone,
he asked: Is Jen there?
[WHAT!!! My sister, yes, he asked my sister out.] My first B-sting... OUCH!
Well, the night that he came to pick her up she said,
"You can't be cute when he gets here."
I said, "Don't worry; He's a snob and a nerd, I don't want to be pretty."
SOOO I put my head in a wrap and cleaned the house until he showed up. I said to them both,
"Be home on time, be safe." And off they went.
When they left he asked my sister, "Was that your mom?" 2nd B-STING!
They dated for about 3 months. Every time they went out he was so specific with her. I would make fun of him.
He would call and his conversations would go like so:
Hello, I have a reservation at 6:30, it is approximately 17 minutes from your home so I will pick you up at 6:13. The movie begins at 8:10, we should arrive at the theatre by 7:57. I will have you returned home by 5 to 10. BORING!!!
I mean who calculates life to such a specification.
Well, my sister and I still had girls night with our friend, his sister, while she was dating him. Sometimes he would come along. I come to a point where I really like his company. He is a nice kid. But, being my sisters MOM, I always acted so uninterested in anything about him.
He pointed out that I fell asleep during movies, and SNORED, B-sting. He spoiled my sister, of course, B-sting.
He treated her with respect, B-sting.
Everything he did was so perfect, kind, thoughtful.
BUT, my sister wasn't that into him, B-STING.
Are you KIDDING?
Well, she got engaged to another boy she was dating.
Suddenly he was available to date. Did I want to? NO, WHY WOULD I!!!
I mean he picked her because he thought she was cuter.
B-sting.
He picked her because I was too big of a flirt.
B-sting.
When he picked her up he thought I was her MOTHER.
HELLO. B-sting.
Well, as the world turned, so did the chance for us.
He called. He called and I was SOOOO OVER him.
I, like Charlie Brown and the girl with the red hair; I WAS OVER HIM SO THAT HE COULDN'T EVER BE OVER ME!!!
My red-headed Mr. B called me. He called and asked for me.
My sister said, "Yes, she's here." While I am dancing in the background saying TELL HIM I AM NOT HOME.
She then says, "Yes, she is available tonight."
I could have killed her.
I get on the phone and he says, "The symphony begins at 7pm, it takes approximately 15 minutes to park, walk and be in our seats. I would like to pick you up at 6:15. We could get ice cream afterwards and I will have you home by 10pm."
Are you kidding me??? I don't even go out until 10 pm. HOME BY TEN.
BORING!!!! The symphony....BORING.
This is going to kill me.
"Do I have to dress up?" Is all I say.
"Yes. That would be appropriate." He replys
Of course it would.
At this point I am clenching my teeth and fists at my sister.
I have a date with a nerd! B-sting!!!
Finally, after he picks me up he tells me he is so glad that I could go. He has to go to the symphony for a class he is taking, and write a paper on it. He asked every girl he knew, and even his boss if he could take his daughter. NO ONE ELSE WAS AVAILABLE.
I was the bottom of the barrel, his LAST thought. B-STING!!!!
And, after a few heated conversations while driving, controversial at best, a symphony that I tried not to snore through, a cone of ice cream and NOT EVEN A KISS GOODNIGHT, I shut the door and realize: Hmmm, I might want to marry him; he might be my boy next door.
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