Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Be Mine! The Legend of Mr. B. - tale 1

Okay, go with me here for a minute if you would like. I am feeling very passionate about the love of my life, Mr. B!

Mr. B has been in my life since I was 20 years old. By 20 I thought I would grow old alone, never to fall in love with anyone who would fall back in love with me. I had been hurt enough by that point of my life that I was not WILLING to fall in love, in fact; by then I thought love was a hoax.

You see, before I get into what my heart wants to write today I have to confess a few things about my life. My confession comes to you with pure intent. To give you a bit of background you probably don't know about me.

I may come off as a whiner sometimes in my posting, because truly I am blessed. And I am very grateful, but I have a few problems which cloud my ability to be capable and happy. These are not your run of the mill problems. I have suffered from self induced addictions, I suffer from depression now, and not the just having a down day kind of depression, the debilitating kind. I also have anxiety, and I am a bit of a hoarder. I am afraid to throw anything away. I grew up really poor, and moved often. Actually moved at least once a year. I had lived in what some would consider stable homes until I was 9, but those homes also had trouble. The kind of trouble children recognize, and childhood is not all it is cracked up to be. I think at last count I had lived in 13 homes by the time I was 15, and at 16 I was abandoned by my mother, given up to the state by my father, and adopted into a foster home, so home #14. I consider my home now sweet 16, and being a bit OCD; and liking odd numbers, I always fear that I will lose the life I know.

But, sweet 16 is where I have spent the last 16 years of my life. My life with Mr. B.

This week I want to write the legends of Mr. B. My life with him up to now. I have been dealing with this awful depression, and he is patiently suffering with me. I think a tribute to this man is worth it's weight in words. Follow me as we go back rhetorically and laugh, cry and love him. It isn't much, but it is what I have to offer him.

Happy Valentines B.

21 comments:

Heatherlyn said...

We each have our own set of struggles don't we? Recognizing what they are is 1/2 the battle!

Boy Mom said...

Aww, I love Valentines thoughts, many of my bloggy friends are honoring their spouse. Couples are my passion, I truly believe the Jewish tradition that, since Adam and Eve Gods work is arranging marriages.

I look forward to your upcoming posts.

Shadow said...

what a tribute. he's lucky to have you, you know!

That Girl in Brazil said...

Love it. We need to hear more successful love stories.

Bring it on, girl.

1rfruth said...

Mr. B. is one lucky guy !

Don and Susan Brady said...

Depression and an addiction are illnesses that take a lifetime of daily work to overcome. It is not a sin to ask for help, nor is is unheard of to want a Quality life. My heart goes out to you. My love reaches for you to support you. Know that I am there for you. Mr B. is a very lucky and wonderful Man.

suzie said...

I was just thinking about what a great man Mr. B is...
and then I realized that he better be to be with such a wonderful, super-fabulous, fantastic person like yourself!!!
I love you today, yesterday and tomorrow.

Amber said...

Cheerkick for love! I'm SOOOO in love with my "Mr. B." I'm so glad you're with someone that makes you happy. I'm excited to hear all about your special Prince Charming!

Erin said...

I admire you for triumphing over the difficulties in your life. And how great to have a stable, loving home now!

rachel said...

Beautifully written post. Your Mr. B sounds amazing and I can't wait to hear more :)

colleen said...

We can only get through the struggles that we admit we have. Acknowledge and move on, it won't be easy and at times will seem insurmountable but you can do it. Don't let the past be a body you drag around on your back for the rest of your life, for it will surely shorten it. With the love and help of your hubby and kids you can accomplish anything!

Andrea said...

Having a supportive person is so important when dealing with depression. I'm glad you have someone like that. :)

Motherboard said...

You are a lucky woman!

Thank you for the Valentine. I will "wear" it proudly! :>

~~ATTIC CLUTTER~~ said...

stacie
OH I hope you and your love find many wonderful Happy days ahead(:) and thanks so much for the sweetcomment and the Valentines~!!
hugs, Patty

Musings of the Mrs. said...

I'm excited to have found you and now I get to know you through detailed angst and recovery. Amazing what we are willing to share with the internet. Looking forward to knowing you.

Melisa said...

Awesome addiction post. I don't know if you had a chance to read my post on addiction, but LDS Family Services has an awesome program to help. I only mentioned my eating issues in my post. Kinda left out the depression and self-mutilation. Different story for a different day, I guess. ;o) You aren't alone. It sounds like you have come a long way. Awesome!

Wendyburd1 said...

Mr. B sounds wonderful! I can't wait to hear the next tale.

You know I understand what you are going through right now, not just because of how I am doing now, but over the last 12 years..I have racked up some experience. Having a support system is the key thing, for me at least, and Mr. B is obviously your support, so it is so good you have him! He loves you a lot, that is obvious! ((HUGS))

Butterfly Kisses said...

It's nice to see people in love. I love being in love.

I'm sorry you've had such a rough life. But it sounds like Mr. B may help make up for that.

Butterfly Kisses said...

I think I've told you before but I wanted to tell you again. I've suffered from depression and anxiety for a looong time now too. I didn't really know how bad it was until I started taking meds for it. Now I feel great. My energy is great. I still have anxiety issues but I am looking into finding help for that too. Hope you get to feeling better.

RipGurl said...

Just found your site via 1 door away from heaven. What a grand site you have put together, right down to the sound track. Thanks for sharing.
Chris

devri said...

happy valentines to you woman!

on marriage

'Will you, um, marry me?' I haven't seen you in weeks! You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! You're asking me to give up my - my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda?