B Mine Legends - Take 2

I was thinking when this rhetoric challenge began that I wanted to share one specific instant in our marriage. Among the excerpts that you will given during the next couple of weeks, in celebration our life together, this is in the forefront; so I might as well write it now, and get to the point.

As I was lying with B a couple of nights ago I had a sort of epiphany moment. My brain was firing; part of the disease of depression, which usually makes it so that I can not sleep. I lie awake with so much on my mind that I feel my spirit is suffocating, and I don't know how to find relief.
Lying in B's arms I gently nudged him. Sometimes I can arouse him, yes, I mean arouse. [If this is painful to read, come back tomorrow, I won't be as blunt. But I HAVE to get this down in words, it is so meaningful to me.]

My Mr. B is an amazing person. I love to be with him. I haven't always been this way. I use to cringe at his touch. Not because of anything he has done.

He has always been patient and kind.

I was abused; severely, as a child. This abuse was sexual in nature, as well as
emotional, mental, physical elements of abuse. And the worse part was the abandonment because of the abuse. To be left because I finally had the guts to say NO MORE is possibly the part that I struggle with the most.

Hence, having problems for much of my married life with intimacy. So for me to say that I love to be with my husband, is a huge step for me, and

tremendously healing.

He has been patient, through my years of healing, and when I am not all the way there, he gives me the space to work through it, again.

That said, I needed him. I needed his touch, the comfort of being together and knowing that he loves every part of me, of who I am. That tenderness that comes as two people become one.

Amazing, and very necessary as part of a marriage.

[Remember that I didn't always have this or feel this way.]


My poor husband, first dating me, had a girl who thought men were ALL just perfectly crappy and worthless, only in relationships for one thing and abusive at best. I had no intention on falling in love, or being with him long term.

It was temporary. In fact, being LDS, we believe in marriage eternal, I would NOT marry him in the temple. [see my marriage disclaimer in the sidebar]

I told him nothing lasts forever, why set yourself up for disappointment and failure. Just for now is fine, and we will deal with the rest as it comes along.

Somehow I got stuck in my head that our marriage would not last any longer than my parents; 15 years.

So this year, sweet 16, and sweet 16 years living in the same place. I feel truly passionate about the love I have been mysteriously blessed with, and the security I finally have. Boy have I ever fought against it.

Having this beautiful and amazing moment with him, and lying in his arms, the musky smell of his cologne intoxicating my senses. I begin to finally drift to sleep and he quietly says: Girl, I love you.

It was all I needed. He wasn't more eloquant, not words of the flowery substance, just a simple gesture of love, which I am sure he thought I may have not even heard in my early sleep. But I did. And B, back attcha: Boy, I love you.

I love your smell, I love your touch, I love your sensitive side, I love your patience. I love you! Thanks for loving me, even the broken parts of me, and for being YOU. YOU are my Mr. B. A modern legend, a sweet surprise, in a world of chaos. Being loved by you is making me a better person.