from my Sister...FUNNY -- Thanks Trish

Here is proof that women don't say what they mean
and men don't hear what we say:

I know you believe you
understand what
you think I said, but
I am not sure that you
realize that what
you heard
is not what I meant.


I cleaned it up A LITTLE:

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying YOU ARE WRONG!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.


HIS RESPONSE

The mans point of view and/or answers to to "nine words women use"

1) Men feel this is the word you come up with when you know there is absolutely NO WAY in H E double hockey sticks you are going to get your way or point of view across.

2) Men feel that five minutes is a time period that stays the same no matter what is happening. We feel that if you say five minutes you will be ready, we take that to mean that if your butt isn't in the car seat in that period of time, that it is perfectly OK to leave you. In regards to helping around the house, I'm more than happy to be a supervisor whenever you get around to riding your broom and vacuum.

3) Nothing means exactly that. If you say "nothing" when asked if or whats wrong, expect a reply of, "straighten your self up then and quit moping around!"

4) Go Ahead is and will forever be a DARE! Expect it to happen!

5) Sigh. This means that you cant decide which you would rather do more, rub the back or the feet of the king of the house.

6) That’s ok. Means exactly that. Not that we were asking permission in the first place, but we'll go ahead and do it even if it pisses you off!

7) We are in agreement here.

8) Whatever. Men take this statement as a cue that you will finally shut up because you know further communication is a waste of time.

9) Don’t worry about it. Men assume that you knew we never had a worry about it in the first place. We figure if its that important to you that it needs to get done right now, you can put down the bon-bons, get your butt out of your chair, and get it done your damn self.