First post in a three post series.
With 5 of us in school we have a TON of homework at our house.
I found it ironic that so much Homework Drama could come up in one week.
You will get this in three parts.
First, because I really want to portray the DRAMA, like seriously; Soap Opera worthy.
Picture me, Friday….[in this case the dot dot dot does not indicate FUN]
Minding my own business, in the morning, getting the kids off to school.
I have FOUR hours to take an excel test, which I have to go to campus to do. I think I have it in the bag. I will take the test, then come home and shower before I get the kids.
I am logged in; I haven't studied, because like my kids, I think I know it all.
So, plenty of time, open book, should be no problem; I can probably stop at the Arctic Circle for those great Sweet Potato Fries on the way to get the kids, and even air the car out so I don't give myself away.
[When you raise kids with no fast food, they think it stinks, and they can smell it out, and they rat you out to dad SOOO fast you wont be able to blog it.]
Here I am taking the test, minding my own business. Thinking all is well.
NOT WELL. I finish, sweating bullets, the test is so temperamental that it doesn't let you finish answering the question before telling you that you are WRONG.
Now I know how Mr. B feels. I am always RIGHT, and giving him the WRONG que before he finishes.
[insert] FAMOUS QUOTE IN OUR HOUSE:
I know you believe you
you think I said, BUT
I am not sure that what
is not what I meant!
HUH, leaves him dumbfounded all the time.
So, back to the test; I FAILED.
Me, a 4.0 student, FAILED an excel test. Yes, 40%, I am not exaggerating.
So frustrating. I sit through an hour of training modules, now I have it, I can retake it.
Optional retaking up to three times. Highest score counted. I can do this.
My dark tunnel has a light.
I have to call and have Mr. B pick up the kids. I won't make it with having to retake the test. I tell him, I have calculated my class grade, projecting what I will get on the final test (power point, got it in the bag, maybe.), and with my homework I will have a 93.4%.
I can just bag it, come home, get the kids, …..or retake the test.
Of course he wants me to retake. I should be home by 1:30 now.
AND SO AM I.
Now this is becoming personal. I am cussing the computer every time it screws up. People in the computer lab are actually getting up and leaving the scene of what might become a crime.
Test over, failed again. I can't BELIEVE it. Now I am really done. I can beat this. It is just a machine.
I call Mr. B, I won't be coming home, I am going to win, if it takes me all day.
And it did.
Second time through the training modules. I have this memorized now. I have done it twice, I will win.
Now I am keeping score. I am tallying, got it, right, one for me, oh, another one for me. I show the computer, see I am winning.
More computer lab junkies are leaving the scene. I am getting looks, and words I don't normally say are coming so easily. One student who had asked me to do a survey now comes up to me and says, "it's okay, I am just going to take this (unfilled out), you don't need to do it, I don't want to bother you." Very apologetic, as if I would through the machine, or make lewd statements on the survey. Please.
I am winning, take that, heh heh.
Now the computer is mad and it starts to fight back. I am getting kicked out of questions, this is so wrong. I really think it was OUT TO GET ME.
5 questions to go, suddenly I get a machine prompt that in 120 seconds the computer is going to reboot.
Not kidding. I am so shocked as I try to beat the time. This really is a game now.
I lose. The computer reboots. My entire test was taken, ripped from my control.
I think, maybe I can check, it will be there. But the computers have quit for the day. Time is surely up.
I come home defeated. I sit in the car crying. Hopeless, totally frustrated. Worn down, tired, sad, hungry, thirsty, and I forgot my fries.
I check my phone messages.
G-13 has called every half hour: WHERE ARE YOU? YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO BE HOME THREE HOURS AGO.
It is 5pm. My kids have been tending to themselves. Absolutely not okay with me. School is not supposed to interfere with my kids, my family time.
As I come through the door, the crying becomes uncontrollable. So much for keeping a brave face, for being the strength, the all together mom that I am trying to be.
I cry through doing the dishes, J-7 tries to help, I keep crying.
I am not saying nice things, blubbering something to the likes of, "I do everything around here, I can't be gone, nothing gets done." So pathetic.
Here are my four children, alive, being kind to one another. The three younger built a fort; they want me to come see it. In stead I sweep the floor, I vacuum in a tantrum. I do a load of laundry. My punishment for not being home for EIGHT hours. My inflicting emotional pain upon myself.
And all my kids wanted was for me to be okay. G-13 wanted to know I was okay, "mom, when I don't check in every hour you get so mad." "I was just as worried as you get about me."
The kids: "come see our fort, play, lets read some library books in it. Look we have a flashlight."
And me: Move that so I can vacuum there. Bring me up the broom. G-13, get the basement vacuumed. Kids, I want the Halloween stuff put away, ITS NOVEMBER, for all my crying out loud!
Wow, from funny to really sad. As I said; Soap Opera Drama.
That night I looked at my chaos, still all there. The sweeping, vacuuming, and dishes didn't put a dent in it.
Then I looked at my kids, happily tucked away by their dad, in the fort to spend the night.
And me, crying in my room, remembering when I made the forts with them, they didn't come down for seasons. It was our hideout. I played, and laughed.
What has happened to me?
With the new day, we made a plan. A plan that began with me asking them to forgive me. To please know that I wish I could take it back. I love school, learning, one test shouldn't crush me so terribly. Really, it was that I had missed being with them. I had missed being a better mom. I miss the mom I used to be. And onto our plan. I told the kids that whatever they didn't want to have to clean up someday when B and I are gone, needs to be organized now, or it is theirs to keep. Scary enough that they keep asking me for projects. The reward. A cleaner home, a more organized home, a schedule we can all get along with, and one special treat they all voted on that will be absolutely fun to earn together.!!!!
Better days are ahead, stay tuned.
Oh and PS: The professor emailed today. The test was sabotaged. He couldn't even task it, so now I get to take the new test on Wednesday.
And finally Wednesday: Homework Series, take three: my homework FLUNG up on me (for the finale, G-13, all G.)
Coming Tuesday: Homework Series, take two: WHAT! Homework??? (Staring S-9 and J-7, a bit of Cece-11)