Monday, November 24, 2008

call me crazy, part 2

i spent the day with my mom on Friday,
she is better known as granny crazy.
like getting a blog award, this is hers.

it's hard work to earn crazy.

proof is in an appointment that she had.
even with all the history of being a crazy lady, she couldn't pull it off.
leaving the appointment she was told that she was
too sane to pull off crazy.

none of us is too sane to pull off crazy, seriously.

i don't get it.
my whole life has been a sham,
thinking that i was raised by a crazy lady; (we talked about if Friday)
for me, her being crazy explained everything.

Now I don't know what to do.

her being crazy was the only way i could accept my past,
i could forgive, i could put into perspective the abuse and abandonment.

Now what?

knowing that reality is that i have the past that i do, the memories, the insecurities...

and now knowing that she was normal enough to be responsible.

okay, mom, love and forgiveness, but seriously.
Can't you be crazy anyway?

that way i can be excused for my own crazyness,
"it runs in the family"....

or maybe it doesn't

who am i anyway?
i am me, and okay with being me. and i am okay with her.

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on marriage

'Will you, um, marry me?' I haven't seen you in weeks! You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! You're asking me to give up my - my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda?