Monday, November 24, 2008

healing - the end of crazy

most of my writing is upbeat, and off the subject of anything serious.

as i read my last rambling about crazy,
i realized that this was some
pretty heavy material.

Not timid, not light.

real stuff.

so i decided that i needed to write for myself today. Sunday.

My mom, me, who am i really, and am I healing?

Because of you...

as i listen to kelly clarkson's song

I will not make
The same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break

"It's about the cycle of families, like you act how your parents acted towards you and then your kids act how you acted towards them, and it's all about breaking that cycle if it was a bad one [...] It's one of those songs that everybody's kind of gonna relate to, but you're not happy about that. It's very close to home [for me].

I OK'd it with my family and everything because they think it's important, because we're obviously very different now than we were when we were younger. And it's important for people to see that raw kind of emotion that happens in life. It sucks sometimes, so it's important to see that I think." [kelly clarkson, mtv news]

Like she says, raw emotion that happens in life.
It sucks sometimes....

I get that.

So here I am, trying to sort out me, who I am, and who I intend to become.

for now this explains it.

I am trying to break the cycle.

I am trying to make life more about who I plan to become,
and less about who and where I have come from.

thanks for the cyber support.
you give me smiles, everyday...

now I plan to go read with my kids.


Wendyburd1 said...

Your blog should always be about YOU and what you think and feel. I write about my depression,etc. because it is part of me, and it is MY blog. I only can hope that my readers will accept me as I am, and not judge.
I loved this "I am trying to make life more about who I plan to become,
and less about who and where I have come from."
That is a great idea, I wish I could do that, but my past is too much of who I am..who I turned into. I need to be a lot stronger than I am now to look to who I want to be, before I can stop looking at who I was and am. It is amazing though that you can! You go!! *hugs*

Everyday Mom Designs said...

I agree, your blog should be about you always. No one is perfect, and we all have our moments. It is all a part of us..

Good outlook on life by the way.. break the cycle.

Lynn said...

If journaling has become blogging for most of us, we will not judge one another and understand that things must be talked about and feelings and experiences must be related...just like a written journal.

It's yours after all...
No apologies needed ! LOL

Jillene said...

I try to keep it real on my blog. I am not perfect--AT ALL!! I include the ups, the dows and the in-betweens.

No apologies needed--this is YOUR blog/journal. We are just the lucky ones who get to read it!!

Mammamia said...

Guilt is my emotion of choice. It lives in my soul, I think. I woke up one particularly guilt filled morning and suddenly was filled with the realization that we were already raised once by perfect parents.

There must be some value in our children having imperfect parents this time around. Don't beat yourself up. Trying is good enough.

in time out said...

thank you everyone. i love all of your comments here. it was nice to hear the reality, and feel the love. true kindness. yes, real is much more fun. my meloncholy getting the best of me is good. thank you, thank you. ♥ i love the thought that imperfect parents are what we need this time around. i hadn't thought of that. i think that will help me more than you know.

so nice to get messages throughout the day that boost my spirit and confidence, and make me smile. take care all. happy blogging.

on marriage

'Will you, um, marry me?' I haven't seen you in weeks! You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! You're asking me to give up my - my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda?