okay, so this morning i am checking on my blog friends before i am off to study, write papers, design power points, and take finals. i come across one and i LOVE her for being so honest. we all feel weary and insecure [not that she said that, i just felt that way about myself thinking about what i read], especially with all these perfect and perfectly happy moms out here. as i rambled on my comment i realized that i probably don't blog my guts a whole lot here and you all probably think i am perfectly perfect and happy. well, that just isn't the case. so here is my comment to her, because i don't think i have the courage to write it twice:
in response to being the perfect mom, because others are doing it, and to not whining and complaining:
i think the key wording here is "virtually surrounded" by women who love it and are good at it.
[i put that in parenthesis on purpose, because i do think the reality of it is that it doesn't exist, feeling perfectly happy, except on the seriously so blessed blog, which is truly a satire of Mormon mom perfection, i will leave it at that, commenting on my own thoughts.]
i think it is hard for all moms, and for all dads, who spend time at home, stay at home...mom/dads. i had a mom tell me this week that she was a cement layer, in the heat, the cold, the dirt, and hard labor, and being a mom on a good day is harder than doing cement work on a bad day.
be nice to your self. we all struggle, maybe we just don't show it in our virtual reality world of writing. i need to more. i don't write as much about it as i should. days are hard. right now i think i am the most neglectful mom there is. a cluttered house, i am constantly doing homework, blogging in between my on line course work.
i feel like a chaotic crazy mom. i think i will post this comment on my blog. i am sure you are not the only person who feels this way. or maybe this rambling is all about me. i'm sorry if it sounds so selfish, and inadequate, and insecure, and deliriously weary. that is the guts of how i feel. take care now.
so, yes, everyone: please take care. not one of us could honestly say that we never lose our patience, that we don't struggle and have pain, that we always enjoy every aspect of motherhood, parenthood, it is hard work; it is worth it, but it is hard work.
it honestly is the "walking in the snow uphill both ways" life. yes, we want our kids to be loved, protected, happy, giggling children with great childhoods to remember. but somedays are tough, and if you need to write your guts you should be able to. i know i need to.
'Will you, um, marry me?' I haven't seen you in weeks! You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! You're asking me to give up my - my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda?